Tuesday, February 28
Word of the Day: Myrmidon

1. Greek Mythology A member of a warlike Thessalian people who were ruled by Achilles and followed him on the expedition against Troy.
2. A faithful follower who carries out orders without question.

"My lady has a white hand, and the Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses."
-William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

posted by Jessica at 7:00 PM | Permalink |
Good news.
Supreme Court Backs Abortion Protesters

WASHINGTON - The Supreme Court dealt a setback Tuesday to abortion clinics in a two-decade-old legal fight over abortion protests, ruling that federal extortion and racketeering laws cannot be used to ban demonstrations.
posted by Jessica at 6:54 PM | Permalink |
This is kinda funny.
Police: Woman Fakes Death To Avoid Paying Traffic Tickets

DES MOINES, Iowa -- An investigation concluded that a Des Moines woman faked her own death to avoid paying traffic tickets.Polk County investigators said Kimberly Du, 36, faked her own obituary and forged a letter telling a Polk County judge she was dead.Du is spending time in the Polk County Jail in connection with a forgery charge.Court documents show that Du tried to avoid paying several tickets by sending a letter to the courthouse.
posted by Jessica at 6:51 PM | Permalink |
Monday, February 27
Happy Mardi Gras!
posted by Jessica at 1:44 PM | Permalink |
Saturday, February 25
Word of the Day: Pettifogger


1.a person (especially a lawyer or politician) who uses unscrupulous or unethical methods [syn: shyster]
2: a disputant who quibbles; someone who raises annoying petty objections [syn: quibbler]

Ex- This is too easy. Just insert your own joke about your favorite congressman.
posted by Jessica at 4:15 PM | Permalink |
Thursday, February 23

posted by Jessica at 6:32 PM | Permalink |
Wednesday, February 22
Dude canNOT catch a break

Miller to race slalom despite rolling his ankle playing basketball

SESTRIERE, Italy (AP) -- Bode Miller was rehabbing his ankle Wednesday after twisting it while playing basketball with teammates but is expected to race the Olympic slalom, his fifth and final chance at a Turin Games medal.

"He's good to go," U.S. men's skiing coach Phil McNichol said.

U.S. team spokesman Marc Habermann confirmed an SI.com report that Miller hurt himself Tuesday.

"There's no reason he won't race," Habermann said. "It hurt a bit and they checked it. There's nothing wrong. He's totally OK."

U.S. Ski Team Alpine director Jesse Hunt said he had no problem with Miller shooting hoops during the Olympics.

"The guys are playing games all the time -- soccer, basketball," Hunt said. "You need to do that."

Miller has failed to finish five of seven World Cup slaloms this season and was disqualified in the first slalom leg of the Olympic combined event he was leading. His last slalom victory was Dec. 13, 2004, on the hill he will ski Saturday.

In his first four men's Alpine races, Miller finished fifth in the downhill, was disqualified from the combined after straddling a gate, failed to finish the super-G after slamming into a gate and tied for sixth place in the giant slalom.

posted by Jessica at 7:06 PM | Permalink |
I'm going to plan a concert to protest ineffective hippies.
Sheehan, Musicians Plan Protest Concert

Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan and REM frontman Michael Stipe will headline a New York concert to urge the withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq.

The concert, dubbed "Bring 'Em Home Now!" will be held at the Hammerstein Ballroom on March 20, the 3rd anniversary of the invasion of Iraq. Rufus Wainwright and Bright Eyes will also perform, it was announced Wednesday.

Sheehan, who camped outside President Bush's ranch in Texas last year to protest the Iraq war, will speak during the concert. Her 24-year-old son, Casey, was killed in Iraq in 2004.

Chuck D, Fischerspooner, Peaches, Steve Earle and Devendra Banhart are also scheduled to perform.

"It is impossible not react to the current state of affairs through personal action and artistic production," said Casey Spooner of Fischerspooner in a statement.

Organizers said the concert will be followed by a national "Bring 'Em Home Now!" speaking tour that will feature Sheehan and various authors traveling to 15 U.S. cities in April.

More concert performers were expected to be added later.

posted by Jessica at 6:47 PM | Permalink |
Catfight (My money's on the Donald)
Trump, Stewart Face Off in War of Words

...In his biting letter, Trump wrote that Stewart's version of "The Apprentice" was "a mistake for everybody — especially NBC."

The real-estate mogul was responding to Stewart's sniping to Newsweek that "Martha Stewart: The Apprentice" floundered last fall — canceled after one cycle — because Trump would not take his competing show off the schedule.

Her show was supposed to be the only "Apprentice" and was meant to start out with her firing Trump on the air, she told Newsweek, reiterating comments she'd made before.

"Having two `Apprentices' was as unfair to him as it was unfair to me," she told Newsweek. "But Donald really wanted to stay on."

Trump's blunt response asks Stewart to take responsibility for her "failed show."

"Your performance was terrible in that the show lacked mood, temperament and just about everything a show needs for success," he wrote. "I knew it would fail as soon as I first saw it — and your low ratings bore me out."


"Between your daughter, with her one-word statements, your letter writing and, most importantly, your totally unconvincing demeanor, it never had a chance — much as your daytime show is not exactly setting records," he wrote.

Then he really told her what he thought.

"Essentially, you made this firing up just as you made up your sell order of ImClone," said Trump, who claimed NBC did not intend to fire him on Stewart's show.

In a statement issued late Tuesday, Stewart, who lost an appeal last month that ended her criminal case for lying about a stock sale that sent her to jail for five months and nearly six months of house arrest, said she was bewildered by Trump's comments and tone.

"The letter is so mean-spirited and reckless that I almost can't believe my longtime friend Donald Trump wrote it," she stated. more

posted by Jessica at 6:43 PM | Permalink |
Word of the Day: Saturnalia

1: an orgiastic festival in ancient Rome in honor of Saturn
2: a wild gathering involving excessive drinking and promiscuity

Syn-orgy, debauchery, bacchanalia

Ex- Mardi Gras
posted by Jessica at 5:24 PM | Permalink |
Tuesday, February 21
posted by Jessica at 3:46 PM | Permalink |
I'm really starting to hate these people.
At Least 15 Die in Nigeria Cartoon Protest

MAIDUGURI, Nigeria - Nigerian Muslims protesting caricatures of the Prophet Muhammad attacked Christians and burned churches on Saturday, killing at least 15 people in the deadliest confrontation yet in the whirlwind of Muslim anger over the drawings.

It was the first major protest to erupt over the issue in Africa's most populous nation. An Associated Press reporter saw mobs of Muslim protesters swarm through the city center with machetes, sticks and iron rods. One group threw a tire around a man, poured gas on him and set him ablaze.

In Libya, the parliament suspended the interior minister after at least 11 people died when his security forces attacked rioters who torched the Italian consulate in Benghazi.

...And in what has become a daily event, tens of thousands of Muslims protested — this time in Britain, Pakistan and Austria — to denounce the perceived insult. On Sunday, some 400 protesters pelted the U.S. Embassy in Indonesia with rocks, tomatoes and eggs. They burned U.S. flags and smashed the windows of a guard post before dispersing.

But it was in Nigeria, where mutual suspicions between Christians and Muslims have led to thousands of deaths in recent years, that tensions boiled over into sectarian violence.

Thousands of rioters burned 15 churches in Maiduguri in a three-hour rampage before troops and police reinforcements restored order, Nigerian police spokesman Haz Iwendi said. Iwendi said security forces arrested dozens of people in the city about 1,000 miles northeast of the capital, Lagos.

Chima Ezeoke, a Christian Maiduguri resident, said protesters attacked and looted shops owned by minority Christians, most of them with origins in the country's south.

"Most of the dead were Christians beaten to death on the streets by the rioters," Ezeoke said. Witnesses said three children and a priest were among those killed.

The Danish cartoons, including one showing Muhammad wearing a bomb-shaped turban with an ignited fuse, have set off sometimes violent protests around the world.

I'd like to personally toss Michael Moore, George Clooney, Sean Penn, and Richard Dreyfuss in the center of the "fray" and let them mediate. Bastards.
posted by Jessica at 3:32 PM | Permalink |
In the world of the mainstream media, though, this never even happened. Shh.
Civil Rights Group Blasts Bryant Gumbel

A Washington-D.C.-based civil rights group is blasting HBO sports commentator Bryant Gumbel for complaining last week that the Winter Olympics were too white.

While covering the games from Torino, Italy, Gumbel mused:

"Count me among those who don't care about [the Olympics] and won't watch them... So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world's greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the winter games look like a GOP convention."

In a statement issued Friday, Project 21's Mychal Massie said the former "Today" show host was out of line:

"For Gumbel to castigate an entire field of athletes who have worked a lifetime in pursuit of a dream - and then injecting race into it - is unforgivable."

Turning the tables on Gumbel, Massie added: "Should he be condemned for only having one other black on his news team? Following Gumbel's rationale, I would expect the answer to be yes."

posted by Jessica at 3:25 PM | Permalink |
Why oh why did this never happen when *I* lived in L.A.?
Mystery blob eating downtown

A mysterious black blob attacked downtown Los Angeles on Monday with a tar-like goo that oozed from manholes, buckled a street and unmoored a Raymond Chandler-era brick building, firefighters said.

About 200 residents were forced to flee as a hazardous materials team and dozens of firefighters worked throughout the day to identify what was first deemed "a black tarry substance" and later morphed into a "watery mud."

While outside temperatures struggled to break 60, sidewalks in the vicinity steamed at 103 degrees, Los Angeles Fire Department spokesman Ron Myers said. more

posted by Jessica at 3:16 PM | Permalink |
I don't believe him.
Oliver Stone says September 11 movie not political

Director Oliver Stone says he doesn't know if America is ready for his upcoming film about the September 11 terror attacks, but stresses the movie is a human rather than political account of the tragedy.

The often controversial three-times Oscar-winner said "World Trade Center", to be released this year around the fifth anniversary of the attacks, documented a day in the life of two men trapped at the scene, their rescuers and families.

Speaking to an audience during a question and answer session late Monday at the Bangkok International Film Festival, Stone was asked if Americans were ready for the first major Hollywood film on the subject.

"Is America ready for 9/11? Is America ready for gay sex? I don't know," Stone told the audience, referring to Ang Lee's Oscar-nominated cowboy film "Brokeback Mountain" which has been a surprise hit in US cinemas. (I just love how liberals are always able to equate things that in no way resemble one another, such as fictional sex versus real life mass murder. Completely the same thing.)

"It's about a rescue and families involved in the rescue. It's really a technical attempt to be realistic about what happened in that building," he said.

When I hear the words "technical" and "realistic," I totally think Oliver Stone.

But, it will be nice to have that ban on 9/11 images lifted (in a way) and remind people that it actually happened. (Thanks mainstream media!)
posted by Jessica at 3:06 PM | Permalink |
Monday, February 20
Word of the Day: Truculent

  1. Disposed to fight; pugnacious.
  2. Expressing bitter opposition; scathing: a truculent speech against the new government.
  3. Disposed to or exhibiting violence or destructiveness; fierce.
Ex- The Democrats might believe they're being truculent, but in reality they exhibit all the ferocity of a chihuahua on crack.
posted by Jessica at 6:05 PM | Permalink |
Sunday, February 19
Famous last words

Chavez tells Rice: ‘Don’t mess with me, girl’
Leader responds to secretary of state calling Venezuela a ‘problem’

CARACAS, Venezuela - Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez Sunday warned Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice not to “mess with” him days after Rice described Venezuela as a menace to regional democracy in the midst of tense diplomatic relations between the two countries.

“Don’t mess with me Condoleezza. Don’t mess with me, girl,” Chavez said during his weekly Sunday broadcast, sarcastically offering her a kiss and jokingly referring to her as “Condolence.”

The warning comes days after Rice described Venezuela as one of the “biggest problems” for the Western Hemisphere and promised to develop regional alliances as part of an “inoculation” strategy to expose what the State Department calls anti-democratic behavior in Venezuela. more

posted by Jessica at 3:39 PM | Permalink |
Friday, February 17
Word of the Day: Meretricious


1: like or relating to a prostitute; "meretricious relationships"
2: tastelessly showy (cheap, gaudy, loud, tacky, tawdry, trashy)
3: based on pretense; deceptively pleasing (gilded, specious)

Ex- In America it's now possible to become a celebrity based soley upon meretricious behavior.
posted by Jessica at 4:46 PM | Permalink |
Thursday, February 16
At least this one can't screech at you.
posted by Jessica at 5:01 PM | Permalink |
posted by Jessica at 5:00 PM | Permalink |
Don't worry, Bode. After this week's performance, they'll be leaving you alone.
Fame is like a poison, says American skiing ace Miller

American skiing ace Bode Miller says he can understand while some athletes turn to drugs in their quest for fame.

Miller, who on Tuesday was disqualified from the Winter Olympics' alpine skiing combined event after a slalom slip-up, believes the pressure to succeed forces some competitors to cheat.

"Sport was born clean and would remain so if it was about just competing for the fun of it, but the media and the public corrupt it because of the pressure they create," the outspoken Miller told the Gazzetta dello Sport.

"Any athlete who isn't doing well is left in the corner, nobody asks for their autograph and they're left out in the cold. However, those who win things are regarded as symbols.

"Fame is like a poison. I don't care for it. I used to have a better life when I was nobody."

posted by Jessica at 2:26 PM | Permalink |
Word of the Day: Jejune

  1. Not interesting; dull
  2. Lacking maturity; childish
  3. Lacking in nutrition
synonyms include:
immature; insipid; juvenile; pedestrian

Ex- The thoroughly jejune coverage of the Dick Cheney hunting accident highlights how irrelevant and ineffective the mainstream media has become.
posted by Jessica at 2:17 PM | Permalink |
The media needs to put on their big-girl panties and deal with it
Critics slam Cheney's interview choice
- Matea Gold, Los Angeles Times
Thursday, February 16, 2006

New York -- For days, the White House news corps has pounded the Bush administration, demanding to learn more about Vice President Dick Cheney's accidental shooting of a hunting companion Saturday.

Cheney finally addressed the incident Wednesday, but the forum in which he chose to do so -- in an exclusive interview with Fox News host Brit Hume -- quickly became another source of contention.

Fox News executives cast the scoop as the result of persistence and the growing clout of the top-rated cable news network.

"We've been after the vice president since Sunday, as everyone has, and our efforts paid off," said John Moody, Fox's senior vice president for news editorial. "I think he wanted to make sure he got a fair interview and a good interview -- good in the sense of thorough -- and Brit is sort of the pre-eminent journalist in Washington right now."

But some Democrats and competing broadcasters charged that Cheney chose to speak only with Fox News because of a perception that the cable channel is sympathetic to the Republican administration. They called for the vice president to hold a news conference with the rest of the media.

"Now that he feels forced to talk, he wants to restrict the discussion to a friendly news outlet, guaranteeing no hard questions from the press corps," Sen. Frank Lautenberg, D-N.J., said in a statement.

On CNN, commentator Jack Cafferty called the interview "a little bit like Bonnie interviewing Clyde. ... I mean, running over there to the Fox network -- talk about seeking a safe haven."

posted by Jessica at 2:08 PM | Permalink |
If anyone wants to hear the police version as opposed to that of ABC News, the report can be found here
posted by Jessica at 2:04 PM | Permalink |
They're such lovely people once you get to know them.
NYC Muslim Group Warns U.S.: 'Your Days are Numbered'

CBN.com NEW YORK CITY - So far, the violent riots that have erupted throughout the Muslim world over the Mohammed cartoons have not been repeated here in the U.S.

But yesterday in New York City, one radical Islamic group was preaching a message that is anything but peaceful.
This is not Pakistan or Gaza. It is Manhattan's east side--just a short drive from ground zero. The group calls itself the Islamic Thinker's Society—its, for short. The purpose of the demonstration was to condemn the now infamous cartoons.

But there was another message as well: that Islam will one day dominate the world.

One ITS member said, “We are here to tell you that there is nothing you can do--and that your days are numbered...all of you who disbelieve: speak good, or Allah will silence you.”

posted by Jessica at 1:59 PM | Permalink |
When guys playing Dungeons and Dragons in their parents' basements are more informed than the mainstream press, you'd think they'd be ashamed. Right.
Reporter Caught Clueless on Non-Cheney News

After delivering yet another breathless report on Cheneygate Thursday morning, usually reliable ABC Radio News reporter Ann Compton was caught clueless about the takeover of six major U.S. ports by a Dubai company based in the United Arab Emirates - a country said to have ties to terrorism.

Compton's exchange with WABC Radio's John Gambling went like this:

GAMBLNG: What else [besides Cheneygate] is being talked about in the White House?

COMPTON: Absolutely nothing. This has sucked the oxygen out of President Bush's trip yesterday. He went all the way to the Wendy's hamburger headquarters in Ohio to talk about health care. . . . . Is that on the front page of any paper today? I did not do a single spot on it yesterday . . . .

COMPTON: [Cheneygate] really has dominated everything else . . . It is a fascinating story and one that ABC has reported very, very vigorously at the ground level and I think very responsibly.

GAMBLING: Ann, let me ask you a question. Is anybody talking about this story . . . about the Dubai Ports World Corporation running our major ports in the United States? You know anything about that?

COMPTON: Whooops. [Nervous laughter]

GAMBLING: The reason I ask you is exactly what you just finished talking about - sucking the oxygen out of the White House and Washington press corps . . . . This is like letting Saudi Arabia do security in our airports. And I think that Washington reporters need to jump on this thing.

COMPTON: Well, send me a quick email, John. It sounds like something I need to see.

posted by Jessica at 1:50 PM | Permalink |
If only Cartman was around to drive them out.
According to one Texas Freeper

"A bunch of hippie scumbags are demonstrating in Dallas in the Circuit City parking lot at the corner of Meadow and Central Expy. They have a big poster of Casey Sheehan, a big inflatable bomb, a bunch of white crosses, and many "impeach now" and "honk for peace" signs. I don't know if anyone could get out there at the spur of the moment, or even if anything could be done without permits. Just a heads-up in any case."

I'm much too apathetic to go over there, but I think it's hilarious when liberals protest in the metroplex. It's like holding a pro-life rally in Manhattan.
posted by Jessica at 1:40 PM | Permalink |
I believe the word here is "duh"
Tapes: Saddam Hussein Had Secret Uranium Enrichment Program

In the year 2000, two years after Iraq expelled U.N. arms inspectors, two Iraqi scientists paid a discreet visit to Saddam Hussein in his presidential palace.

They had come to brief the Iraqi dictator on their progress in enriching uranium using plasma separation. If successful, their efforts could have given Saddam the fissile material he was seeking to make a bomb.

"You can tell that one of the scientists is nervous on the tape," former FBI translator Bill Tierney told NewsMax. "He is telling Saddam of all these wonderful things they can do with the plasma process, which they initially developed in the 1980s for the nuclear weapons program.

he scientist tried to convince Saddam to change course and use the technology for purely peaceful purpose, but the Iraqi dictator just listened politely. "You can imagine him nodding his head as you listen to the tape," Tierney said.

Tierney believes the tapes will vindicate the pre-war analysis of Iraqi WMD programs. "If anything, after translating 12 hours of these tapes, I believe the U.S. intelligence analysis didn't go far enough," he told NewsMax. more

posted by Jessica at 1:36 PM | Permalink |
That's because they're redefining hypocrisy on a daily basis.

NYT: Still No Mohammad Cartoons, But Old Abu Ghraib Photo Fit to Print

Last week, the New York Times haughtily washed its hands of the controversial Mohammad cartoons, saying it had no intention of printing them because it was the paper’s policy to avoid “gratuitous assaults on religious symbols.” (Though that didn't prevent the paper from running a photo of "The Virgin Mary" painting clotted with elephant dung). Besides, the editorial sniffed, “the cartoons are so easy to describe in words.”

But while the Times may have passed on defending free expression in order to avoid protests from Muslims, it’s apparently not concerned about stoking Muslim opinion against the United States and the war in Iraq, judging by its decision today to run a three-year-old photo of a prisoner at Abu Ghraib.

Reports of additional prisoner photos from Abu Ghraib obtained by an Australian newscast inspired an article by David Stout in Thursday’s Times, “More Abu Ghraib Pictures Broadcast on Australian TV.” the Times also ran a photo from Reuters of a detainee in a restraint device to accompany the Page 18 story, at least in the New York Late Edition of the paper.

posted by Jessica at 1:33 PM | Permalink |
What an ass.

HBO's Gumbel: Lack of Blacks Makes Olympics 'Look Like a GOP Convention'

"Finally, tonight, the Winter Games. Count me among those who don’t like them and won’t watch them ... Because they’re so trying, maybe over the next three weeks we should all try too. Like, try not to be incredulous when someone attempts to link these games to those of the ancient Greeks who never heard of skating or skiing. So try not to laugh when someone says these are the world’s greatest athletes, despite a paucity of blacks that makes the Winter Games look like a GOP convention. Try not to point out that something’s not really a sport if a pseudo-athlete waits in what’s called a kiss-and-cry area, while some panel of subjective judges decides who won ... So if only to hasten the arrival of the day they’re done, when we can move on to March Madness — for God’s sake, let the games begin."
posted by Jessica at 1:27 PM | Permalink |
Wednesday, February 15
Good interview.
Actor Gary Sinise: Positive Support for Iraq

The following is an exclusive NewsMax interview with actor Gary Sinise. James Hirsen reports from Hollywood.

"Everybody needs a good day in a war zone." – Actor Gary Sinise

The U.S. media present a "completely opposite" view of what is really happening with American troops in Iraq, highlighting the negative and ignoring the positive, Emmy Award-winning actor Gary Sinise tells NewsMax.

posted by Jessica at 7:28 PM | Permalink |
Tuesday, February 14
My world is shattered.
Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes — it’s over!

Life & Style
has learned exclusively that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have agreed to call off their wedding — and, ultimately, to split.

Multiple insiders confirmed the story to Life & Style, with one longtime friend of Tom’s saying: “Their relationship is basically over.” Another friend adds: “They both agreed that the marriage wouldn’t work and they wanted to end it before they learned to hate each other.”

The insiders say that Tom, 43, and Katie, 27, plan to keep up the charade of a romance until after their baby’s birth this spring. In the meantime, the couple will live in his Beverly Hills home — though sleeping in separate bedrooms — through the summer. Then, presumably, they’ll announce a separation — but Tom plans to buy Katie a home nearby so he can visit his child whenever he wishes.

“They’ll share custody,” says the friend, who claims the couple are drawing up a legal document to provide for Katie’s and the baby’s financial well-being for life. “Tom will set up Katie and the baby,” adds the pal.

For more on Tom and Katie’s split and other celebrity relationship and style news, pick up the latest issue of Life & Style Weekly.

Looks like the campaign is working.
Free Katie
posted by Jessica at 7:38 PM | Permalink |
Haven't we all sectretly wanted to do this?

Under the cover of the so-called "Cartoon Riots," The Hamburglar puts a hit out on his long-time nemesis.
posted by Jessica at 7:32 PM | Permalink |
Word of the Day
faineant \fay-nay-AWN\, adjective:
1. Doing nothing or given to doing nothing; idle; lazy.

1. A do-nothing; an idle fellow; a sluggard.

Ex- The faineant White House Press Corps had a temper tantrum this week when they were scooped by a small-town Corpus Christi reporter.
posted by Jessica at 5:15 PM | Permalink |
Monday, February 13
Bitchslapping a bitch.
Condoleezza Rice Rebuts Hillary Clinton on Bin Laden

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice fired back at Sen. Hillary Clinton on Sunday, accusing the Clinton administration of not doing enough to stop Osama bin Laden during the 1990s as his al-Qaida network attacked U.S. interests with impunity.

Asked about Mrs. Clinton's complaint last week that in the four years since Sept. 11 the Bush adminsitration still hadn't been able to find "the tallest man in Afghanistan," Rice noted that the United States had succeeded in hobbling the terrorist kingpin - in marked contrast to what happened during the Clinton years.

"He's not the figure who sat for the entire period of the 1990s in Afghanistan, with training camps there, able to carry out operations, able to use the territory of Afghanistan as a base for his operations, able to launch effective attacks against the United States, against our embassies, against 'The Cole' and ultimately against us in Sept. 11th, 2001," Rice said.

The top diplomat didn't mention Mr. Clinton's decision to refuse a 1996 offer by the Sudanese to round up bin Laden and hand him over to the United States, but instead concentrated on Bush administration successes.

posted by Jessica at 4:32 PM | Permalink |
The "dish it out but can't take it" award goes to...
Ted Rall Says He Might Sue Ann Coulter for Holocaust Cartoon Remark

NEW YORK Columnist Ann Coulter made a provocative remark Friday about "Doonesbury" creator Garry Trudeau and editorial cartoonist Ted Rall. Trudeau is shrugging it off, but Rall is considering a lawsuit. Coulter reportedly said Friday at the Conservative Political Action Conference in Washington, D.C.: "Iran is soliciting cartoons on the Holocaust. So far, only Ted Rall, Garry Trudeau, and The New York Times have made submissions."

Ooh, I hope the defense enters this into evidence:

*completely typical Ted Rall cartoon
posted by Jessica at 4:11 PM | Permalink |
Sunday, February 12
The Olympics According to Dave Barry

FIGURE SKATING: In this dramatic and demanding sport, competitors must perform difficult skating maneuvers while dressed as swans and wearing enough makeup to spackle a four-bedroom house. And those are the men. Judges enter their scores into a computer, which calculates the results using an objective scientific formula, after which the Russians always win because they CHEAT.

BIATHLON: This fun sport was invented by the Norwegians, often called ''The Yuckmeisters of Western Scandinavia.'' Rifle-toting competitors ski for a while, then shoot at targets, then ski some more, then shoot some more, then ski some more, then shoot some more, then ski some more, then shoot some more and so on until France surrenders.

THE LUGE: Competitors wearing Spider-Man costumes lie on their backs on tiny sleds and go down the bobsled run. The ones who survive (about 8 percent) are tested for drugs. If they don't contain any, they are declared legally insane.

THE SKELETON: This is the same as the luge, except competitors go headfirst. The medal winners stand on a special ''booster'' podium because when they cross the finish line and hit the stopping barrier, their bodies are compressed to the height of a Pringles can.

CROSS-COUNTRY CURLING: In this grueling sport, competitors, using brooms to clear the way, race to see who can be the first to slide a heavy stone across Italy.

SKI-JUMPING WITH CELEBRITIES: This is a new sport, introduced this year to boost TV ratings. Competitors are sent down the ski-jump ramp, often leaving deep grooves for the entire length with their fingernails, then soar into space, where they encounter gravity. The heavily favored U.S. team consists of Erik Estrada, William Shatner, Nicole Richie, Lieutenant Uhura from Star Trek and the naked guy from Survivor.

BROKEBACK BOBSLED: This is another new sport, about which little is known, other than that, according to International Olympic Committee President Jacques Rogge, it ``involves sheep.''


posted by Jessica at 12:13 PM | Permalink |
Saturday, February 11
Olympics Opening Ceremony
In case you missed it, here's a Cliffs Notes version from the live message board at Free Republic.

Has everyone seen the medals? They look like bagels.

This woman interviewing Michelle Kwan sure has a deep voice.

Question to Kwan: "What advice did Nancy Kerrigan give you?"

Watch out for guys named Gilooly!

Cool, the Bud horses!

Darnit, I wish horses could ski!

This is a time when I miss the Cold War, it always made the Olympics more interesting.

Jim Lampley's hair is VIBRATING!

They are acting like they are going to start, but I don't believe them. Bob Costas is giving the history of Italy.

Bob is lying. At the rate they are going they may be on for about 35 seconds. Then they will have to show part 2 of the Bode Miller interview. After that we have to find out what Michelle Kwan had for dinner.

What's with the Hippity-Hoppity Hats the US Team is wearing? Are they all rappers now?

I'm not artistic enough to understand this....or autistic enough....

Sparks of passion....oh, that I get!

Why did the beating heart split apart ??

And why are they wearing scuba suits??

Hey, where's the Von Trapp family?

Somebody should have handed out the Cliff Notes on the "symbolism" of all this.

Dancing moo cows!

OK...we have the skating cow figurines, the ice waltzers in Gateway costumes, and the fake trees dancing around.

I think I will go get another glass of wine.

By the way, just once, I would like a NORMAL person, not an artiste, to plan the Opening Ceremonies. I trace this degeneration in the ceremonies to ALberville and the FRENCH, who put on something like a Fellini movie that year.

What was with the white tunic people? I missed it. They looked like they were in a cult.


Former Italian Olympians...in Armani.

Will there be land-mines on the ice?

LOL!! Maybe.

I want to put a muzzle in Brian Williams mouth.

Just think- if the Olympics are ever held in Cincinnati, Ohio they can drop hundreds of local art students, complete with turkey costumes, from circling helicopters.

Oh now it's a dance party! Why do they have miner's lights on their heads?

Skiing ninjas!

Flaming Boba Fetts are back.

I’m expecting a disco ball to fall any minute.

The world hates America, but loves our music, right?

They should have played the theme to Grease when the Greeks marched in.

My God, I have been transported to the 70's! Please tell me that Jimmy Carter won't be there!

No Bermuda shorts for Bermuda :(

Now they have to have some ABBA back there.

Bring out the ABBA!

China on now. If it were me, I would have the music playing "Everyone's Kung-Fu Fighting."

N. Korea sent people??? To do what, eat?

France. Are they waving their white flags?

The French athletes all look like sailors

One day Japan will just send a team of Robots.

I have decided that Williams and Costas have a bet...the one who can associate political problems to the most countries wins. They get bonus points if they can take something good about a country and trump it with a problem.

Did Williams just say Iran's problems with the world are due to a nuclear project?

Williams: "Beirut known at the Paris of the Middle East. They're hoping to be able to keep the peace there."

What an ass.

It's like a retrospective of American music in the last 30 years.

Mexico's team was seen crossing the Arizona border!

Look for them working at the Home Depot!

I don't think the things on the Mongolians heads are quite dead yet.

"Wouldn’t it be weird if all the music was being played from some guys ipod?"

LOL! Snort!

"It's the end of the world as we know it" should have played when the Iranians came in.

Who's picking this music, anyway?

Why is Susan Sarandon carrying the Olympic FLAG?????

"Dammit Janet!!"

I see the Italian women's supermodel team is present.

Is Mary Carillo a man?

(Yes!!! Yes she is! -me)

...there are a bunch of different guys who play Ronald McDonald and their real identities are kept a close secret, because people actually send death threats to him.

Imagine the threats that the Burger King dude gets!

"Ronald McDonald I am going to kill you,"

Yours truly,


ROTFLMAO!!! I am crying from laughing.

OH NO!!!! It's Yoko!!!

Oh crap. Yoko ad she's already screaming.

Thought yoko died of irrelevance.

what the hell happened to Peter Gabriel?

he looks like the photo of Zarqawi we keep seeing.

Imagine all the people
Rioting over cartoons

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
Some day you'll join our jihad
And we'll slay all the infidels

I'm dying here....my middle son just called me....he's laughing so hard he can't talk!! He said, "OMG mom! It's Yoko! What's going on?? Why??"

She's had on the same damn outfit for 20 years.

Guess the lyrics were never translated into Arabic or Farsi.

Final surprises anyone? The Pope ski jumps into the stadium?

posted by Jessica at 6:24 PM | Permalink |
Word of the Day (a new feature)
*tangent* Someone once called my writing pretentious and it made me proud, not offended as it should have. Of course, like any good child of the 90's I was all into Kevin Smith films and Dawson's Creek, and pretention was totally chic back then. Then I reached drinking age and realized we were all full of crap. Kevin Smith made Jersey Girl, Katie Holmes got recruited by the Scientologists and donated her uterus to produce the Golden Fetan, and I reverted back to conservatism and started writing a snarky political blog. Oh how the times have changed. *end tangent*

I bring this up because it is very late at night, and also because I feel like boning up on my vocabulary. You can't be pretentious without dropping four-syllable words, and dang it, I wanna be more pretentious again. I'm kidding. Maybe. Anyway, here's today's word:


n. pl. contretemps
1. An unforeseen event that disrupts the normal course of things; an inopportune occurrence.
2. an awkward clash

Ex- "I think it's ludicrous that the microphones were turned down during potentially offensive lyrics while The Rolling Stones performed at the Super Bowl. One contretemps and we're punished for life. Thanks Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake. Thanks for nothing."
posted by Jessica at 2:06 AM | Permalink |
Friday, February 10
Can they bottle whatever he's on, because I want some.

Cocky West: 'I should be in The Bible'

Cocky rap star KANYE WEST is calling for a revised edition of THE BIBLE, because he thinks he should be a character in it.

The JESUS WALKS hitmaker, who picked up three Grammy Awards last night (08FEB06), feels sure he'd be "a griot" (West African storyteller) in a modern Bible.

He says, "I bring up historical subjects in a way that makes kids want to learn about them. I'm an inspirational speaker.

"I changed the sound of music more than one time... For all those reasons, I'd be a part of the Bible. I'm definitely in the history books already."link

posted by Jessica at 12:06 AM | Permalink |
Thursday, February 9
Happy early V-Day
posted by Jessica at 6:44 PM | Permalink |
Photos of the Day:

"Bitch, you best hurry up. Some of us have jobs to get to."
-Everyone else in line.
posted by Jessica at 6:21 PM | Permalink |
I honestly love this man.
Howard Dean Compares President Bush to President of Iran

Howard Dean made an appearance on the ABC's 'Good Morning America' on Thursday and compared President Bush to the president of Iran.

The DNC Chairperson was desperately trying to convince the viewers of the program that Democrats are strong on national defense when he said, "All we ask is that we not turn into a country like Iran where the president of Iran can do anything (he) wants at anytime."

For Republicans, Howard Dean is just the gift that keeps on giving.

The DNC chair engaged in a fast paced interview with ABC host Charlie Gibson, and again was trumped by a morning talk show host. When Gibson asked Dean to explain why the Democrats were perceived as being weak on national defense, Dean first argued that they weren't.

He then said President Bush was the one that was weak on defense and that "(The White House) has a great propaganda machine, but the fact is - they haven't delivered on American security."

Charlie Gibson then pointed out that a poll showed that 64% of Americans believe that the country is a stronger country now as opposed to before 9/11, and noted that stat was "game, set and match," for the Republicans.

Dean again argued that America is not safer and said he didn't believe the poll and the interview deteriorated into the Bush/Iran comparison.

posted by Jessica at 5:45 PM | Permalink |
He couldn't find the Gulf Coast on a map.

Landrieu, Kerry Call for Local Contracts in Katrina, Rita Rebuilding

Today Senators Mary Landrieu (D-LA) and John Kerry (D-MA) called on the Small Business Administration (SBA) to direct government contracts to local and small businesses in the Gulf region for the inspection of homes and businesses damaged by Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. Kerry is the Ranking Member and Landrieu is a member of the Senate Committee on Small Business and Entrepreneurship.

..."Right now, homeowners and small businesses are at the mercy of a broken bureaucracy. Local businesses can speed up the process and help the Gulf Coast rebuild," said Senator Kerry. "Senator Landrieu and I are calling on the SBA to give local and small firms every opportunity to help make the loan process move more quickly..."

Doesn't John Kerry have a baked bean cookoff to judge or something? Why doesn't he just put on a cape and run through the Senate floor screaming "Look at me! Look at meee!" It's kind of sad really.
posted by Jessica at 4:40 PM | Permalink |
Friggin' killjoy.
Sheehan won't run against Feinstein

Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan, who has criticized President Bush and other elected officials for their war support since her son was killed in Iraq, said today that she won't run for office against U.S. Sen. Dianne Feinstein.

"I felt that putting pressure on her from the outside would be more effective than working from the inside," said Sheehan, 48, of Berkeley during a morning press conference...more

"It would interfere with my taking tea with various world dictators, something that has become quite special to me. Also, I am an idiot."

posted by Jessica at 4:34 PM | Permalink |
Dingy Harry Takes a Bullet (so to speak)

Reid Aided Abramoff Clients, Records Show

WASHINGTON - Senate Democratic Leader Harry Reid wrote at least four letters helpful to Indian tribes represented by Jack Abramoff, and the senator's staff regularly had contact with the disgraced lobbyist's team about legislation affecting other clients.

The activities — detailed in billing records and correspondence obtained by The Associated Press — are far more extensive than previously disclosed. They occurred over three years as Reid collected nearly $68,000 in donations from Abramoff's firm, lobbying partners and clients.

Reid's office acknowledged Thursday having "routine contacts" with Abramoff's lobbying partners and intervening on some government matters — such as blocking some tribal casinos — in ways Abramoff's clients might have deemed helpful. But it said none of his actions were affected by donations or done for Abramoff...

Of course, the New Media knew all this like two weeks ago, but better late to the game than never showing up.

posted by Jessica at 4:22 PM | Permalink |
posted by Jessica at 1:35 AM | Permalink |

posted by Jessica at 1:31 AM | Permalink |
Wednesday, February 8
I don't care enough to do a whole post about the shameless display at Coretta Scott King's funeral yesterday, only that I am amazed that John Kerry didn't pop up long enough to say "She was a noble woman with a noble cause and Vice President Cheney's daughter is a lesbian," because that's how subtle the shenanigans really were.


1. Someone should really tell Jimmy Carter that the Democrats wiretapped Martin Luther King, Jr., probably because they were using the info to keep on blocking civil rights legislation in congress, something the Democrats were oh so good at.

2. How impotent do you have to be to use a funeral as a political podium? Bonus points, though, for exemplifying the phrase "preaching to the converted." Literally.

3. Jimmy Carter's presidency makes Bill Clinton's look like Abe Lincoln's in comparison. And no matter how much he rails on, nobody's forgotten that.
posted by Jessica at 4:18 PM | Permalink |
Sen. Clinton Urges Democrats to Speak Up
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton on Wednesday accused Republicans of "playing the fear card" of terrorism to win elections and said Democrats cannot keep quiet if they want to win in November.

The New York Democrat, facing re-election this year and considered a potential White House candidate in 2008, said Republicans won the past two elections on the issue of national security and "they're doing it to us again."

She said a speech by presidential adviser Karl Rove two weeks ago showed the GOP election message is: "All we've got is fear and we're going to keep playing the fear card."

These people hate freedom of speech, freedom of religion, freedom of the press, homosexuality, a woman's right to "choose," and totally don't care about global warming.

They are terrified of miniskirts but not of dying.

These people want to kill us.

Anyone who isn't afraid probably didn't give Hitler much credit until they heard the tanks outside their windows.

Hillary Clinton knows this and does not believe a word she is saying. She is pandering to idiots. And if you spend enough time pandering to idiots, you become one.
posted by Jessica at 3:51 PM | Permalink |