It saddened me that Saturday Night Live was a rerun this week, because I had the opening sketch all planned out in my head. It went something like this…
There would be Seth Meyers as John Kerry, decked out in a ski suit, poles in each hand, calling for a filibuster from atop the Swiss Alps.
“I’m reporting for duty,” he would intone. “Maybe not in person, but in spirit. Like the spirit of America. I am, as you may have heard, a great patriot, as proven undoubtedly by my three, yes three, purple hearts. And as such I am afforded the right to report for duty all the way from Switzerland. Which is where I am. You know, in case you were wondering. I’m here with fellow patriot Ted Kennedy and my wife Teresa Heinz (sans Kerry) to discuss global economic policy. I also plan on swapping manicure tips with Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, and maybe catch an acoustic session of Bono singing ‘With or Without You’ to Kofi Annan. But only if time permits.”
Cut away to Kerry sitting next to an inebriated Ted Kennedy at a classy bar. Kerry sits on his stool, delicately shelling a peanut. The narration continues.
“So I was in the hotel bar with Teddy last night, making sure he didn’t drink and ski, and he slurred to me,
‘Johnny, we’ve gotta do something about this Alioto business. They’re talking smack about us all over the blogosphere, and as you well know, the only smack I enjoy involves women’s asses.’
‘What do you propose?’ I droned at him. ‘We’re the minority party. Not because we elect minorities, of course, but because we can’t win anything larger than a bake-off.’
‘Don’t you think I know that, Jim?’
‘John.’
‘Whatever. Don’t you see that this is our shot, man? Hillary’s faking being a moderate again. Harry’s up to his snivelly eyeglasses in Abramoff dough. Biden’s still up in the judiciary committee room finishing his last Alioto question. Al’s sounding nuttier than me after a bottle of Jim Bean. ’08 is ours, Johnny my boy! Now do you want to seize the day, or do you want to lose the primary to that sexy Obama guy? Or maybe Toothy McLawsuit? How would you like them apples, Jan?’ he bellowed, banging down his empty decanter.
‘Toothy…?’ I queried intellectually.
‘Your last idiotic running mate. The itinerant preacher for tort reform. There was a winning horse. Not. Now pay attention! The Democratic Party is ass-deep in kook money. And all of it could be ours. They think we have a shot in hell of keeping Alioto off the bench. I know, I know, ridiculous, but there it is. There is but one course of action we must take.’
‘Surrender?’
‘Filibuster!’ he cried between hacking coughs.
‘On what grounds?’ I whined with nuance.
‘Oh who the hell cares? Make something up. The guy hates gays. Mexicans. Elderly Filipino women. Or just go with abortion. That always works. Plus it shuts those NARAL harpies up for awhile.’
‘We tried abortion. It didn’t work.’
‘Well, give me something else that starts with an A.’
‘Asthma?’
‘Yeah, yeah. Let’s go with asthma. He likes it. He supports it. He wants to take away people’s inhalers. No, kids’ inhalers. That’s it. Judge Alioto wants to kill kids that have asthma.’
‘I don’t think that’ll fly, Ted.’
‘Sure it will. About thirteen people in the whole country pay attention to what gets said on the Senate floor. I could get up there without pants and no one would notice. In fact I have, on several occasions. All right, I’ve got mine. Now you come up with a reason to filibuster.’
‘It is my deepest conviction that Judge Samuel Alito will infringe upon the civil liberties--’
‘Bam! I just fell asleep and hit my head on the podium. What the hell kind of boring-ass crap is that?’
‘I’m verbose.’ I shrugged regally, racking my brain for my latest Vocabulary Word of the Day.
‘You’re human NyQuil, John. Come on, make up with some really insane reason. Something that’ll make no sense that they’ll play on CNN every twenty minutes.’
‘Umm…I hear Ann Coulter likes him. How about that.’
‘Ann Coulter. Now that’s a fine piece of--- Yeah, that’s brilliant. Asthma and Ann Coulter. On the basis of that, who wouldn’t filibuster? To not shut down the senate to discuss the matter indefinitely would be criminal!’
‘Do you really believe that, Ted?’
‘Grow a pair, John. I haven’t believed a word I’ve said since the seventies. What, like you believe the crap that comes out of yours? Oh yeah, like you really gave mouth-to-mouth to an effing hamster.’
‘I stand on principle and integr—who am I kidding? I just want the authority to give myself more purple hearts.’
‘And more you shall have, mi compadre. The more you shall have. Take my word for it, Johnny. If you filibuster, the kooks will come.’
Cut back to Kerry on the slopes, addressing the camera.
“And with that, my friend, the senior senator from the great state of Massachusetts, passed out on the counter. But it really got me thinking. My conscience cannot allow this to continue any longer. Regardless of whether or not it will hurt my chances of running for President in 2008 (which I have yet to rule out), I must speak my peace. I know many of my fellow senators desire cloture in the matter of Judge Samuel Alito. But it is my deepest conviction that Judge Alito will infringe upon the civil liberties—Uh, I mean, it is glaringly obvious to me that, like my brothers-in-philosophy the French, it is time for our Revolution. But instead of ‘Off with their heads,’ I say ‘Out with the cloture!’ The man is an obvious racist, and perhaps even marched with Democratic Senator Robert Byrd at one of his KKK rallies. I’m not sure. They wear those hoods and all. But nevertheless, we are certain that Judge Alito will strip away a woman’s right to kill her children. As evidence, I shall offer the testimony of a clerk at a Wal-Mart in Jersey that saw, with her own two eyes, Judge Alito buying a suspicious amount of coat hangers. Does the man own that many coats? I do not think so, and neither does Senator Kennedy. We call on you, our fellow Democrats, to join with us in this noble filibuster, just as soon as we are finished on the bunny slope. God Bless America.”
Cut to Hillary Clinton watching the above on television, remote in hand.
“Son of a bitch.”
In the background, on the TV Kerry says
“Live from New York it’s Saturday Night!”
You know, something like that…
From:
About me: “'But I don’t want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked. 'Oh, you can’t help that,' said the Cat. 'We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.' 'How do you know I’m mad?' said Alice. 'You must be,” said the Cat, 'or you wouldn’t have come here.'” -Lewis Carroll
Tuesday, January 31
Forecast: Cloudy with a Chance of Moonbats
posted by Jessica at 5:06 PM | Permalink |
Reposting this from November, because it's even more timely now.
“Mamas, Don’t Let Your Sons Grow Up to be Gay Cowboys”
Discontented with the fact that Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, The Chronicles of Narnia, and King Kong will make approximately eleventy billion dollars at the box office this season (*Update: The real total is $ 1 billion worldwide), Hollywood liberals (redundant, I know) are gearing up for a fight over-- gay cowboys? Brokeback Mountain stars Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal as two cowboys who give in to their forbidden love for one another and must deal with the consequences. Yeah, I don't watch Lifetime movies when they're free. I'm certainly not paying 10 bucks for one. But because I am a Republican with a low tolerance for angsty cowboy melodrama, I am an intolerant homophobe, just like all my red state brothers and sisters. For this and other liberal fairy tales, tune in to this week's West Wing. (*Update: canned)
As reported November 6th on The Drudge Report:
“New York Daily News critic Jack Mathews predicts the gay cowboy movie, which takes place in Wyoming, may be ‘too much for red-state audiences, but it gives the liberal-leaning Academy a great chance to stick its thumb in conservatives' eyes.’”
Silly, rabbit. We don’t give a crap.
The Academy Awards have always been an opportunity for pseudo-sophisticates with too much money and too little education to pat themselves on the back and tell each other how wonderful they are. But I think the tide really turned in 1999, when Shakespeare in Love beat out Saving Private Ryan for Best Picture and its star Gwyneth Paltrow beat out Cate Blanchett for Best Actress. Since then, every year these awards become less and less about merit and more about politics and money. A Beautiful Mind won an Oscar for Best Picture. No really, it did. Master and Commander was up for one. Seriously, y’all! Nicole Kidman and Renee Zellweger manage at least one nomination between them per year. For what? Who knows? They’re shiny and pretty and as thin as the awards themselves!
If Hollywood is the in crowd of America’s high school, then the Oscars are their prom night and homecoming all wrapped into one. The prettiest, most popular kids always get the coolest table prizes. Occasionally someone will stumble onto a win based on actual talent, but mostly it’s all about picking the hottest dress and most “socially relevant” tripe to star in. The rest comes down to aggressive Oscar campaigns that would make the mafia blush. The best smack down was always between Dreamworks and Miramax, a.k.a Steven Spielberg and Harvey Weinstein, who collectively spent the equivalent of the GNP of Southeast Asia each awards season to make sure their pet projects ended up on top. (For the record, Harvey won battle after battle for awhile there, but I think he’s currently unemployed, so the war goes to Steven). **Correction: Harvey Weinstein is not unemployed. His new production company just released its first film, the hideously miscast crap thriller Derailed, which is currently chugging along down the mediocrity line. So obviously, I was wrong.** Thirty-thousand dollar dresses and multi-million dollar publicity campaigns, and these are the people always begging the rest of us to donate money. Think about it.
There are many reasons to watch the Academy Awards. To see who’s sleeping with whom this hour, to see who’s wearing whom, and to play “Count the Ribbons of Social Awareness,” but the movies themselves are no longer one of them. In addition to industry politics, this is also due partially to the Academy’s stubborn refusal to nominate movies anyone has actually seen.
Take a look at seven of the highest grossing (ergo, most watched) films of the new century. The Passion of the Christ managed 3 nods, for cinematography, makeup, and sound. The three Harry Potter movies racked up a whopping 5 nods between them, for musical score, art direction, and visual effects. The Lord of the Rings trilogy, for all its dozens of awards nominated for and won, ratcheted only a single nod in any acting category, for Ian McKellan, who subsequently lost.
Meanwhile, Oscar Darlings of the 21st century deemed worthy enough to warrant the top honors have included The Cider House Rules (abortion is good!), The Insider (smoking is bad!), The Hours (lesbianism-yay!), The Pianist (directed by forced ex-patriot, statutory rapist Roman Polanski), Million Dollar Baby (thumbs up for euthanasia!), and let us not forget Bowling for Columbine (Guns are eeevvviiilll!!), which has not only the honor of being the most fallacious film to ever win Best Documentary, but also allowed professional ass-clown Michael Moore to spew hate speech all over primetime television. It was so bad other liberals booed him.
So oooh, go ahead and nominate your gay cowboy movie. The only reason any of these movies make it all the way to the Oscars is in the hopes that they will piss off red-state conservatives. The Hours was a god-awfully bad movie. It was boring, the acting was bland, and the overall tone made you think, like Virginia Wolfe, that suicide just might be the only way out. But it let a lot of people without the slightest clue wax on about how hip they were about lesbianism, and more importantly, how vilely homophobic the flyover states were. That’s why these movies do sucktastic box office, you know. Not because of the acting, writing, or directing, but because the rest of us just don’t “get it.” I get it all right. Just like the popular kids rigged Carrie’s prom queen election to toss pig blood on her, Hollywood sets us up with these films they want and expect us to hate, just so they can point their fingers at how intolerant we are. Their emotional maturity was stunted at sixteen. Unfortunately, they must never have bothered to watch any of their movies all the way through. It never works out well for the popular kids.
"They're really good those boys and they did a great job. It's very brave of them."- Madonna, after seeing an advanced screening of Brokeback Mountain.
Sorry, but no, that is not bravery. Brave is risking your life to topple a murderous ideology while large groups of white liberals protest you, not getting paid large amounts of money to make out with another guy on camera. But Hollywood does not realize this, because Hollywood is under the delusion, like Madonna, that they are important. And like Madonna, they aren’t.
You know what would be really brave? Hiring actual gay actors to play gay cowboys, not straight ones whose girlfriends co-star (Dawson’s Creek’s Michelle Williams, mother of Ledger’s newborn baby). That’s just stupid. It’s not like there aren’t any homosexual actors available in Los Angeles. Hell, half of the industry prides itself on being (insert prefix here)-sexual. If Hollywood were oh so concerned with accurately portraying homosexuality onscreen, Ellen DeGeneres would have an actual film career. To be fair, Ellen isn’t a size zero with hair extensions and a boob job, so she probably wouldn’t land a leading role even if she were straight. If the producers REALLY wanted to be brave, they’d have made a version of Brokeback Mountain starring Nathan Lane and Alexis Arquette. (*Update: And I think Sean Hayes agrees with me.)
I mean, where’s the sweeping love story of Siegfried and Roy, of Merchant and Ivory, of Spongebob and Tinky Winky? (Just kidding, of course. Siegfried and Roy are TOTALLY straight).
The movie industry is obsessed with pretty. Irregardless of how horrific the conditions of the film might be, war, holocaust, grocery shopping, the stars look really pretty doing it. This is why “going ugly” virtually guarantees an actress an Oscar nomination. It’s “brave.” Ann Coulter wrote about how Hollywood has to create alternate realties in which Democrat candidates are actually attractive and competent. I say the only thing Hollywood likes more than casting beautiful liberal politicians is casting beautiful lipstick lesbians.
Actresses who have portrayed lesbians in television and film include:
Charlize Theron
Liv Tyler
Naomi Watts
Drew Barrymore
Angelina Jolie
Sharon Stone
Jennifer Lopez
Yup, those are some butch dykes right there. In fact, the only butch one in the bunch played a serial killer (Monster). When the soap opera One Life to Live portrayed a gay man as a killer, it was mocked in Entertainment Weekly. When Charlize Theron did it, she won an Oscar (Thus further proving that ugly wins every time). As for the portrayal of gay men in Hollywood, they typically fall into one of two categories: 1) comic relief (Sean Hayes, Will & Grace) or 2) AIDS patient (Tom Hanks, Philadelphia). This is the welcoming tolerance of Hollywood. Lesbians get to become lipstick fantasies for straight men (Wild Things, Bound), while gay men get to either be zany (The Birdcage) or teach us a very important lesson by dying (Rent).
Critics will say that the reason gays portrayed so stereotypically is all because of the red states. Yeah, and we’re the reason African-American, Hispanic, and Asian actors can’t catch a break either. We hate fat people, too. The same year liberals gave the first black (who happens to be half-white) woman a Best Actress Oscar, conservatives nominated the first black woman to be Secretary of State. Halle Berry was the voice of the people. Condoleezza Rice was a stooge for Bush. You do the math.
Asked about whether or not audience reaction was the main factor in openly gay actors losing work, openly gay actor Ian McKellan responded,
"Bullshit, I think that anyone who believes [that audiences would not accept gay actors] is just battling homophobia within themselves." He has pointed out that one of the first roles offered to him after the public revelation of his homosexuality was that of a notorious womanizer, former British cabinet minister John Profumo.” Link
Yes, tell me something. If it’s so acceptable to be gay in the blue states, why do Tom Cruise and Kevin Spacey sue the crap out of anyone who says that they are? I have come to dislike both of them immensely, but trust me; it has nothing to do with their sexuality. (Except maybe for Spacey’s continual assertion that he is straight, damn it, straight!!! That’s just annoying).
“Director Irwin Winkler, who recently made De-Lovely (2004), about Cole Porter's life as a gay composer, acknowledged that the fear of being ‘outed’ as a gay actor still permeates Hollywood. ‘Most of the actors that are gay,’ he said, ‘are not openly gay at all and there are some that we know that if we talked about them . . . would be pretty upset.’"
Link
Well, it could be worse. They could be outed as Republicans.
posted by Jessica at 1:53 PM | Permalink |
Meltdown at the Democratic Underground
1. The Great Patriots of
The only politics was being played by Reid and the coward caucus who refused to stand up for our values. Anyone bashing Kerry must be grateful about the failure of cloture. Take it to FR where I have no doubt there's a party going on, celebrating all the spineless Dems who failed to vote for their alleged values.
(How did you guess?)
He deserves thanks for speaking out on the dangers if Alito. And for leading the courageous senators who attempted the filibuster. We have put the country on notice that we won't just lay down and play dead anymore.
(Sit! Stay! Heel!)
Ted gave an AWESOME speech on the floor today!
(That would be the one where he says Alito will kill children with asthma. Yep.)
Your post is Bullsh*t. Kerry acted out of his patriotism and concern for our country and it people. You apparently are picking up the right wing media take on this. Kerry is not at all like the media portrayed him. Please research and read about John Kerry. Don't just believe what you hear. The media doesn't understand terms like honor and principles, they had to come up with something to make the Dem's look bad and boost the repubs. Kerry risked a lot doing this and putting his reputation on the line. Dean supported his effort.
(With Dean and Kennedy at your side, how can you lose?)
once again. remember all youse that said you were gonna get kerry's back, no jumpin on the wagon, wink
and kennedy, listening to his last speech before speech. there was one part where i could just hear him thinking of his brothers, that lost their lives for our country, fighting discrimination. it just felt like his heart was hurting thinking of alito going in and tearing apart all his brothers had a hand in accomplishing all those years ago
(Mary Jo Kopechne could not be reached for comment.)
JesusChrist on a trailer hitch! The man opened himself up to ridicule again because it was the right thing to do ... win, lose, or draw! He saw a wrong and he tried to right it.
Keep your fucking money and your fucking support. I'll work hard enough for him for both of us. You can owe ME later.
Shit, when are WE going to learn to stop looking for hidden agenda's from our own party and those that stand up and speak out?
So, STFU already.
(Preach on, sista!)
Thanks to the fine Patriots of Massachusetts I SALUTE YOU!
Anything you ask, I will take your back. Thank you so much for standing up for me.
Senator Kennedy: Your fire and passion will stay with me. You were fantastic. Thank you for your service to our country.
Senator Kerry/PRESIDENT KERRY: Thank you sir, I know you are a man of honor. You are
(Yes, Paul
Kennedy for President!!!
(Hahahahahahaha. Mary Jo Kopechne could not be reached for comment.)
2. All the Rest.
F*CK Lieberman...I hope he gets his pathetic loser ass handed to him in the primaries.
(And he voted against Alito)
Unfortunately, It seems American needs to reach the very bottom
Before, it wakes up out of its coma.
A supreme court nominee just isn't going to do it. Even, two stolen Presidential elections didn't do it. People ponder, just what will it take?
It will take this...
Economic collapse. A depression. Another war...And, that is coming. I think this nomination was far more about giving the President the ability to declare war powers by surpassing Congress then anybody realizes. He can now implement the next war without a Congressional authorization with no fear of judicial repercussions. Bombs away. But, where oh where, will they get the people?
Part one of the above paragraph. A depression (it is coming). The military will take the people who have no means to survive. People with no health insurance and no living wage.
When it affects them to the point that they are gasping for breath...
Then, you will a revolution. But, not until then...
(I am SOO joining an acting group just so I can perform this as a monologue. Dressed in all black and channeling Medea. Eve Ensler will discover me of course, and maybe, just maybe I can achieve my dream of performing in The Vagina Monologues with Bette Midler and Angelina Jolie. *fingers crossed* Thanks, Democratic Underground!)
I'm calling for political CIVIL WAR in the Democratic Party...
I say we get the 25 with guts together in a room with DNC chair Howard Dean, and all the base who can come, and we, before taking back our country, take back our damned party. If we keep electing Dems just to get a majority, and they keep voting like this, what's the damned point? Either they're with us or they're against us. Period.
THIS IS NOT SOME PHUCKING POLITICAL GAME WE'RE PLAYING HERE...FREEDOM IS ON THE LINE...IT'S WORTH FIGHTING FOR.
REVOLT! REVOLUTION! POLITICAL CIVIL WAR!
(Viva La Revolution!)
Let's make those cowards rue the day they...
took us for granted. They don't get our votes just because they have a damned (D) beside their name. It doesn't mean anything anymore. You're right...IT'S TIME!!!
The first shot has been fired...we either stand and fight, or fold the tents.
(*tear* That, ladies and gentlemen, is destined to make the history books.)
I used to respect the New York Times as one of the few readable mainstream newspapers until I read this sentence:
Samuel A. Alito Jr., who has been widely praised for his intellect and integrity but both admired and assailed for his conservative judicial philosophy, was sworn in today as the 110th justice in the history of the Supreme Court.
Widely praised. INTEGRITY? Do racism and sexism count as "integrity" so long as you stay consistent?
(I’m sorry. I didn’t hear anything past “New York Times” and “mainstream newspaper.”)
Roe is not safe, she is on the operating table. All those 5/4 votes to save parts of Roe are gone. Roe itself is still ok, but she will soon be missing an arm or a leg. Maybe if it is bad enough, she will be left brain dead on the table as an empty shell and the Republicans will use her to say that, "See she is still alive!"
(45 million dead babies and counting. Anyone who can write the above and see absolutely no irony probably SHOULDN’T reproduce.)
To every democratic senator who votes to confirm Alito.
I will use every tool available to me to drive you from office. I will take out ads, raise money for your opponent and generally make your pathetic, useless life, even more pathetic.
I will use the considerable resources I have available to me through my work connection and my liberal friends here on DU. I will use the considerable resources I have at my disposal to drive you from office in disgrace.
Hear my voice. Listen to me. You have taken money from me and from other democrats in your quest to win election and you are now turning your backs on us.
If you vote to confirm Alito, it will be our turn.
This is my vow. This is my promise. I will ensure your defeat.
(And on that terrifying note, I’m getting out of here before I have to testify in court.)
posted by Jessica at 12:33 PM | Permalink |
Some thoughts on the Oscar Nominations
1. Domestic Box Office to Date of Best Picture Nominees:
Brokeback Mountain- $51,024,343
Capote- $15,305,837
Crash- $53,404,817
Good Night, and Good Luck- $25,134,582
Munich- $40,647,785
All but Munich were made cheaply and have turned quite a big profit. But to put it in perspective, The Chronicles of Narnia has made $100 million more than all five combined.
2. I'm sad that I live in a country where George Clooney is nominated for three Oscars in one year. Hell, in any year, but especially for two flicks as well-rounded as a Michael Moore documentary. As factual too.
3. I'm also sad that good starring roles for women are so scarce that Charlize Theron and Keira Knightley snuck into this year's list. I have nothing against either actress, and I quite liked Pride and Prejudice, but in another year, no effing way.
4. If George Clooney wins Best Original Screenplay for Good Night and Good Luck, does that mean they'll be forced to admit that it's fiction?
5. You know it's a crap movie year when they can only muster three nominees for Best Song.
Brokeback Mountain- $51,024,343
Capote- $15,305,837
Crash- $53,404,817
Good Night, and Good Luck- $25,134,582
Munich- $40,647,785
All but Munich were made cheaply and have turned quite a big profit. But to put it in perspective, The Chronicles of Narnia has made $100 million more than all five combined.
2. I'm sad that I live in a country where George Clooney is nominated for three Oscars in one year. Hell, in any year, but especially for two flicks as well-rounded as a Michael Moore documentary. As factual too.
3. I'm also sad that good starring roles for women are so scarce that Charlize Theron and Keira Knightley snuck into this year's list. I have nothing against either actress, and I quite liked Pride and Prejudice, but in another year, no effing way.
4. If George Clooney wins Best Original Screenplay for Good Night and Good Luck, does that mean they'll be forced to admit that it's fiction?
5. You know it's a crap movie year when they can only muster three nominees for Best Song.
posted by Jessica at 11:45 AM | Permalink |
58-42
Congratulations, Justice Alito.
Defectors
Chafee (R-RI)- No
Byrd (D-WV)- Yes
Conrad (D-ND)- Yes
Johnson (D-SD)-Yes
Nelson (D-NE)- Yes
Congratulations, Justice Alito.
Defectors
Chafee (R-RI)- No
Byrd (D-WV)- Yes
Conrad (D-ND)- Yes
Johnson (D-SD)-Yes
Nelson (D-NE)- Yes
posted by Jessica at 10:43 AM | Permalink |
Oscar Nominations
Best Motion Picture of the Year
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Crash
Good Night, and Good Luck.
Munich
Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role
Philip Seymour Hoffman for Capote
Terrence Howard for Hustle & Flow
Heath Ledger for Brokeback Mountain
Joaquin Phoenix for Walk the Line
David Strathairn for Good Night, and Good Luck.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role
Judi Dench for Mrs. Henderson Presents
Felicity Huffman for Transamerica
Keira Knightley for Pride & Prejudice
Charlize Theron for North Country
Reese Witherspoon for Walk the Line
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role
George Clooney for Syriana
Matt Dillon for Crash
Paul Giamatti for Cinderella Man
Jake Gyllenhaal for Brokeback Mountain
William Hurt for A History of Violence
Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role
Amy Adams for Junebug
Catherine Keener for Capote
Frances McDormand for North Country
Rachel Weisz for The Constant Gardener
Michelle Williams for Brokeback Mountain
Best Achievement in Directing
George Clooney for Good Night, and Good Luck.
Paul Haggis for Crash
Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain
Bennett Miller for Capote
Steven Spielberg for Munich
Adapted Screenplay
Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana for Brokeback Mountain
Dan Futterman for Capote
Jeffrey Caine for The Constant Gardener
Josh Olson for A History of Violence
Tony Kushner and Eric Roth for Munich
Brokeback Mountain
Capote
Crash
Good Night, and Good Luck.
Munich
Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role
Philip Seymour Hoffman for Capote
Terrence Howard for Hustle & Flow
Heath Ledger for Brokeback Mountain
Joaquin Phoenix for Walk the Line
David Strathairn for Good Night, and Good Luck.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role
Judi Dench for Mrs. Henderson Presents
Felicity Huffman for Transamerica
Keira Knightley for Pride & Prejudice
Charlize Theron for North Country
Reese Witherspoon for Walk the Line
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role
George Clooney for Syriana
Matt Dillon for Crash
Paul Giamatti for Cinderella Man
Jake Gyllenhaal for Brokeback Mountain
William Hurt for A History of Violence
Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role
Amy Adams for Junebug
Catherine Keener for Capote
Frances McDormand for North Country
Rachel Weisz for The Constant Gardener
Michelle Williams for Brokeback Mountain
Best Achievement in Directing
George Clooney for Good Night, and Good Luck.
Paul Haggis for Crash
Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain
Bennett Miller for Capote
Steven Spielberg for Munich
Adapted Screenplay
Larry McMurtry & Diana Ossana for Brokeback Mountain
Dan Futterman for Capote
Jeffrey Caine for The Constant Gardener
Josh Olson for A History of Violence
Tony Kushner and Eric Roth for Munich
Original Screenplay
Paul Haggis & Bobby Moresco for Crash
George Clooney & Grant Heslov for Good Night, and Good Luck
Woody Allen for Match Point
Noah Baumbach for The Squid and the Whale
Stephen Gaghan for Syriana
posted by Jessica at 10:32 AM | Permalink |
Incomprehensible Ass-stupid Liberal Quote of the Day:
"We have doubled the number of deaths from asthma this year than we had five years ago, doubled the deaths for children. I wonder why that is? I don't know what you tell the mother when they see the children having that intensity. We pass laws, the president sign them, they go to the court in terms of interpretation, and where will this nominee come out? Will he come on out for that mother who has a child that's got asthma or that parent who's seeing the pollution that's taken place in a pond -- in a lake and whose child has been affected by those kinds of poison?"
-Ted Kennedy, hopefully *fingers crossed* just drunk
posted by Jessica at 1:11 AM | Permalink |
Monday, January 30
Alito Cloture Roll Call
NAYs ---25 | ||||||||
| Bayh (D-IN) Biden (D-DE) Boxer (D-CA) Clinton (D-NY) Dayton (D-MN) Dodd (D-CT) Durbin (D-IL) Feingold (D-WI) Feinstein (D-CA) | Jeffords (I-VT) Kennedy (D-MA) Kerry (D-MA) Lautenberg (D-NJ) Leahy (D-VT) Levin (D-MI) Menendez (D-NJ) Mikulski (D-MD) Murray (D-WA) | Obama (D-IL) Reed (D-RI) Reid (D-NV) Sarbanes (D-MD) Schumer (D-NY) Stabenow (D-MI) Wyden (D-OR) | ||||||
posted by Jessica at 6:26 PM | Permalink |
Anyone surprised by this? Anyone?
Last June, when I first heard that Howard Dean's fundraising abilites were less than stellar, I had this to say:
Well, McAuliffe was real good at making money and real bad at, you know, actually winning anything, so who knows, maybe if Dean bankrupts the party...
Today it looks like half my prediction is coming true.
DEAN UNDER FIRE FROM PARTY DEMS; NEARLY ALL CASH SPENT
Democratic leaders on Capitol Hill are privately bristling over Howard Dean’s management of the Democratic National Committee and have made those sentiments clear after new fundraising numbers showed he has spent nearly all the committee’s cash and has little left to support their efforts to gain seats this cycle, ROLL CALL reports.
Congressional leaders were furious last week when they learned the DNC has just $5.5 million in the bank, compared to the Republican National Committee’s $34 million.
Drudge
posted by Jessica at 3:31 PM | Permalink |
SAG Award Winners
Motion Pictures
* Male Actor in a Leading Role: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
* Female Actor in a Leading Role: Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
* Male Actor in a Supporting Role: Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man
* Female Actor in a Supporting Role: Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
* Cast: Crash
TV
* Male Actor in a Drama Series: Kiefer Sutherland, 24
* Female Actor in a Drama Series: Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy
* Male Actor in a Comedy Series: Sean Hayes, Will & Grace
* Female Actor in a Comedy Series: Felicity Huffman, Desperate Housewives
* Ensemble in a Drama Series: Lost
* Ensemble in a Comedy Series: Desperate Housewives
* Male Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries: Paul Newman, Empire Falls
* Female Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries: S. Epatha Merkerson,
* Lackawanna Blues
Major Schadenfreude Alert: Brokeback Mountain, Good Night and Good Luck, and Syriana totally shut out. Although I would like to mention Heath Ledger's brilliant (and possibly drunken) performance trying to read the teleprompter when he and Jake were introducing their film. Something tells me SNL isn't going to come calling any time soon.
Quote of the Night:
"I would like to thank Ang Lee for taking a chance on me. Clearly I didn't fail him, because I'm here. And I know everyone in Hollywood, you know, knows that it is such a RISK to play a gay character."
-Sean Hayes, accepting the award for Male Actor in a Comedy Series for his work on Will & Grace
* Male Actor in a Leading Role: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Capote
* Female Actor in a Leading Role: Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
* Male Actor in a Supporting Role: Paul Giamatti, Cinderella Man
* Female Actor in a Supporting Role: Rachel Weisz, The Constant Gardener
* Cast: Crash
TV
* Male Actor in a Drama Series: Kiefer Sutherland, 24
* Female Actor in a Drama Series: Sandra Oh, Grey's Anatomy
* Male Actor in a Comedy Series: Sean Hayes, Will & Grace
* Female Actor in a Comedy Series: Felicity Huffman, Desperate Housewives
* Ensemble in a Drama Series: Lost
* Ensemble in a Comedy Series: Desperate Housewives
* Male Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries: Paul Newman, Empire Falls
* Female Actor in a Television Movie or Miniseries: S. Epatha Merkerson,
* Lackawanna Blues
Major Schadenfreude Alert: Brokeback Mountain, Good Night and Good Luck, and Syriana totally shut out. Although I would like to mention Heath Ledger's brilliant (and possibly drunken) performance trying to read the teleprompter when he and Jake were introducing their film. Something tells me SNL isn't going to come calling any time soon.
Quote of the Night:
"I would like to thank Ang Lee for taking a chance on me. Clearly I didn't fail him, because I'm here. And I know everyone in Hollywood, you know, knows that it is such a RISK to play a gay character."
-Sean Hayes, accepting the award for Male Actor in a Comedy Series for his work on Will & Grace
posted by Jessica at 2:48 PM | Permalink |
Friday, January 27
It's true. The more liberals fail, the higher they're elevated.
Blanco being inducted into Lousiana Political Hall of Fame
NEW ORLEANS (AP) — Despite an effort to recall her amid stinging criticism of her response to Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, Gov. Kathleen Blanco on Saturday joins six other inductees into the Louisiana Political Museum's Hall of Fame.
Each year since 1993, the museum, located in Winnfield in central Louisiana, has named several inductees — as highly regarded as former U.S. Rep. Lindy Boggs and as scandalous as the now imprisoned former Gov. Edwin Edwards.
NEW ORLEANS (AP) — Despite an effort to recall her amid stinging criticism of her response to Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, Gov. Kathleen Blanco on Saturday joins six other inductees into the Louisiana Political Museum's Hall of Fame.
Each year since 1993, the museum, located in Winnfield in central Louisiana, has named several inductees — as highly regarded as former U.S. Rep. Lindy Boggs and as scandalous as the now imprisoned former Gov. Edwin Edwards.
Selections are made by an anonymous committee and popularity has nothing to do with it; the sole criterion, museum officials say, is the inductee's influence on politics in Louisiana.
more
An excerpt from the committee's selection criteria quiz--
a: do nothing
b: wait for the President to call you and tell you to evacuate the city.
c: a&b, and then complain to anyone who'll hear that it was all the federal government's fault that it went horribly wrong.
d: all of the above
Only for a Democrat would "d" get you inducted into any type of hall of fame.
posted by Jessica at 3:59 PM | Permalink |
Wednesday, January 25
My letter to the LA Times
I would like to commend Joel Stein on his recent column, "Warriors and Wusses." I happen to be on the opposite side of the issue, but I do admire him for his honesty, particularly in a time when everyone in the Democratic Party is busy pandering to the contrary. He's right. You can't support the troops and not suppport the war. It's idiotic and condescending. And when the Democrats say otherwise, the rest of us, including those troops, know they're echoing poll numbers and not their own beliefs. It's beyond transparent. If you listen to what's coming from the floors of Congress or from the rest of the media, you know that Joel Stein is not the only one who doesn't support the troops. He's just the only one willing to admit it.
posted by Jessica at 12:40 PM | Permalink |
And the "Most Likely to Incur the Wrath of God in 2006" award goes to:
posted by Jessica at 12:12 AM | Permalink |
Quote of the Day 2:
But, to use the plantation analogy properly, Hillary and the Democrats don't want to free the slaves. They love Uncle Sam's Plantation. They just want to run it.
-Star Parker
-Star Parker
posted by Jessica at 11:56 AM | Permalink |
Quote of the Day:
Despite the fact that the conversation began with one feminist trying to sooth another, they soon worked themselves into a frenzy. The mere repetition of words such as “patriarchal,” phallocentric,” and “male-dominated” has an effect like the one described in George Orwell’s 1984. If you want to see the “two minutes hate” in practice just attend an annual “Take Back the Night” march or The Vagina Monologues.
-Mike S. Adams
posted by Jessica at 11:51 AM | Permalink |
A very good read.
Marching for life and against the "Negro Project"
by La Shawn Barber
On January 8, 2006, I attended the Justice Sunday III conference at Greater Exodus Baptist Church, a predominantly black church in Philadelphia. Reverend Herbert Lusk preached passionately against abortion and called it murder. Today, I will attend the Blogs4Life Conference, then head to the National Mall for the March for Life rally. I hope to see a large number of the kind of people who nodded in agreement with Rev. Lusk’s sermon.
Black women are three times as likely to have abortions as their white counterparts. Blacks and Hispanics are about 25 percent of the population, yet they account for 57 percent of all abortions. Aside from the fact that abortion is murder, there are two very important reasons why black people should be represented in great numbers at the March for Life rally:
Planned Parenthood founder Margaret Sanger was the ultimate white supremacist.
continued
by La Shawn Barber
On January 8, 2006, I attended the Justice Sunday III conference at Greater Exodus Baptist Church, a predominantly black church in Philadelphia. Reverend Herbert Lusk preached passionately against abortion and called it murder. Today, I will attend the Blogs4Life Conference, then head to the National Mall for the March for Life rally. I hope to see a large number of the kind of people who nodded in agreement with Rev. Lusk’s sermon.
Black women are three times as likely to have abortions as their white counterparts. Blacks and Hispanics are about 25 percent of the population, yet they account for 57 percent of all abortions. Aside from the fact that abortion is murder, there are two very important reasons why black people should be represented in great numbers at the March for Life rally:
Planned Parenthood founder Margaret Sanger was the ultimate white supremacist.
continued
posted by Jessica at 11:43 AM | Permalink |
Sunday, January 22
Unbelievably Ass-stupid Liberal Quote of the Day:
"From where I sit, too many people want to advance their own partisan agendas and cast it as "news." "
-Dan Rather. Yes, that Dan Rather.
posted by Jessica at 4:13 PM | Permalink |
Friday, January 20
A response to Clooney's rhetorical jack-off "joke" at the Golden Globes.
Open Letter to George Clooney
...You spend your days ridiculing our nation and our traditions. You mock those who serve our nation and its flag. You revile my son and publicly try to humiliate him in front of a national audience. I have news for you George Clooney — one day the truth about my son will come out and there will be a lot of people in your industry and others lined up to apologize for their efforts to destroy him and our family. You won’t be in that line, though, be cause the plague of arrogance and falsehood will surely continue to blind your eyes and cause your tongue to disgrace the parents who brought you onto the earth.
One wonders how your father would respond, were the roles reversed. One wonders whether your children would delight in someone lampooning your name and besmirching your reputation. You have brought yourself to a low unparalleled by the greats of your profession. Shame on you.
FRANK ABRAMOFF
Rancho Mirage, CA
posted by Jessica at 2:48 PM | Permalink |
Ass-stupid Liberal Quote of the Day:
I mean that. I'm just---stunned."He talks about Pres. Bush in the tape and he says he's foolish for ignoring the poll numbers that indicate the American people want him to pull out of Iraq. How do you think he's keeping abreast of all this. It's sort of odd, isn't it? Is he just paying attention to Al-Jazeera? It's not as if he's reading the New York Times, is it?"
-Katie Couric's stunning analysis of Bin Laden's new tape
posted by Jessica at 10:27 AM | Permalink |
Wednesday, January 18
Laura Bush's press-happy week in quotes:
On Hillary's plantation- "It think it's ridiculous — it's a ridiculous comment."
On Schoolbus Nagin- "I don't think I can really speak for God, I'm not really sure. On the other hand I think he wants New Orleans to be rebuilt; he wants people who lived in New Orleans before to come back and I do too..."
On wiretapping- "I think the American people expect the United States government and the president to do what they can to make sure there's not an attack by foreign terrorists."
On a possible President Rice- "I'd love to see her run. She's terrific." (I second the motion, by the way)
On Schoolbus Nagin- "I don't think I can really speak for God, I'm not really sure. On the other hand I think he wants New Orleans to be rebuilt; he wants people who lived in New Orleans before to come back and I do too..."
On wiretapping- "I think the American people expect the United States government and the president to do what they can to make sure there's not an attack by foreign terrorists."
On a possible President Rice- "I'd love to see her run. She's terrific." (I second the motion, by the way)
posted by Jessica at 5:38 PM | Permalink |
Quote of the Day
When a Democrat politician stumps at a church, you see, it's "minority outreach." When a Republican politician stumps at a church, it's a theocratic outrage.
-Michelle Malkin
posted by Jessica at 4:54 PM | Permalink |
That's funny, I prefer it too.
STUDIO EXECS PREFER 'BROKEBACK' OVER 'MUNICH'; SPIELBERG SAID DISPLEASED
As the first wave of Oscar voting closes, a sibling rivalry between films at UNIVERSAL has turned sour.
The enthusiastic backing of BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN by UNIVERSAL chief Stacey Snider has come at the expense of MUNICH, a top source involved with the Steven Spielberg drama tells the DRUDGE REPORT.
"Stacey and her team believe BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN is their winner this year," claims a well-placed insider. "The movie has been spoiled, spoiled and spoiled again, with endless promotion and support. MUNICH, on the other hand, has been horribly neglected. Steven has been thrown in the backseat. It has been painful."
Munich is this year's red-headed stepchild. Voters are "supposed" to like it, because of its pedigree and its Barney the Dinosaur views on "why don't we all just get along?" Unfortunately for Spielberg, who lost my last shred of respect when he likened his War of the Worlds to the War in Iraq (and guess who were the bad guys? Yup. Us!), Munich manages to offend its only built-in audience: Jews. It would be like making Brokeback Mountain as a treatise on why homosexuality is bad bad bad, and then expecting the gay audience to show up anyway.
And for the record, when choosing between gay cowboys and terrorist sympathizers, I'll take the cowboys every time.
As the first wave of Oscar voting closes, a sibling rivalry between films at UNIVERSAL has turned sour.
The enthusiastic backing of BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN by UNIVERSAL chief Stacey Snider has come at the expense of MUNICH, a top source involved with the Steven Spielberg drama tells the DRUDGE REPORT.
"Stacey and her team believe BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN is their winner this year," claims a well-placed insider. "The movie has been spoiled, spoiled and spoiled again, with endless promotion and support. MUNICH, on the other hand, has been horribly neglected. Steven has been thrown in the backseat. It has been painful."
Munich is this year's red-headed stepchild. Voters are "supposed" to like it, because of its pedigree and its Barney the Dinosaur views on "why don't we all just get along?" Unfortunately for Spielberg, who lost my last shred of respect when he likened his War of the Worlds to the War in Iraq (and guess who were the bad guys? Yup. Us!), Munich manages to offend its only built-in audience: Jews. It would be like making Brokeback Mountain as a treatise on why homosexuality is bad bad bad, and then expecting the gay audience to show up anyway.
And for the record, when choosing between gay cowboys and terrorist sympathizers, I'll take the cowboys every time.
posted by Jessica at 3:43 PM | Permalink |
Tuesday, January 17
Shame, party of none. Your table's ready.
Photo fakery at the New York Times
January 16th, 2006
Is a fake staged photo fit to print? What if it staged in a way that makes the US forces fighting the War on Terror look cruel and ineffective? The evidence argues that yes, it can run, and in a prominent position - at least in the case of the New York Times website.
It appears that the Times, once-upon-a-time regarded as the last word in reliability when it comes to checking before publishing (which makes them so much better than blogs, of course), has run a fake photo on the home page of its website. The photo has since been removed from the home page, but still can be seen here.
The picture shows a sad little boy, with a turbaned man next to him, a little bit further from the camera, amid the ruins of a house. Other men and boys peer in from the background. The photo is captioned
“Pakistani men with the remains of a missile fired at a house in the Bajur tribal zone near the Afghan border.”
The story it accompanies is about the apparently failed attempt to take out al Qaeda’s #2 man al Zawahiri, with a missile attack from a Predator drone.
“How sad!” readers are encouraged to think. “These poor people are on the receiving end of awful weapons used by the clumsy minions of Bush. And all to no avail. Isn’t it terrible? Why must America do such horrible misdeeds? Bush must go!”
The only problem is that the long cylindrical item with a conical tip pictured with the boy and the man is not a missile at all. It is an old artillery shell. Not something that would have been fired from a Predator. Indeed, something that must have been found elsewhere and posed with the ruins and the little boy as a means at pulling of the heartstrings of the gullible readers of the New York Times.
photo here
story here
posted by Jessica at 6:16 PM | Permalink |
Ass-stupid Liberal Quote of the Day, Part 2:
Because I just can't help myself...
I love how God continually punishes highly Democrat cities for Republican actions. He's got a mighty fine sense of humor that way. (Now, when God sends a hurricane to destroy Topeka, then we'll talk.)
"As we think about rebuilding New Orleans, surely God is mad at America. He sent us hurricane after hurricane after hurricane, and it's destroyed and put stress on this country. Surely he’s not approval (sic) of us being in Iraq under false pretenses. But surely he is upset at black America also.”
-You guessed it! Ray Nagin.
I love how God continually punishes highly Democrat cities for Republican actions. He's got a mighty fine sense of humor that way. (Now, when God sends a hurricane to destroy Topeka, then we'll talk.)
posted by Jessica at 6:05 PM | Permalink |
I knew I didn't watch the show for a reason. (Okay, I was furniture shopping with my mom and grandmother, but it could've been a political statement)
Michelle Malkin had a link to our fellow patriot George Clooney making a tasteless Jack Abramoff joke at last night's Golden Globes. I don't have the stomach to watch it myself, but if it's half as funny as his John Ashcroft jokes from the last time he won a Globe, he should probably stick to his day job. Which is, of course, terrorist-sympathizing activist casino mogul who occasionally acts in crap movies.
*updated to add: I came across the Clooney quote at E! Online, and I really gave the man far too much credit. He wasn't remotely offensive. He was just an idiot.
*updated to add: I came across the Clooney quote at E! Online, and I really gave the man far too much credit. He wasn't remotely offensive. He was just an idiot.
"I want to thank Jack Abramoff, you know, just because...Who would name their kid Jack with the last words "off" at the end of the name?"
posted by Jessica at 6:02 PM | Permalink |
Ass-stupid Liberal Quote of the Day:
"You take dark chocolate, you mix it with white milk, and it becomes a delicious drink. That is the chocolate I am talking about."
-Ray "Schoolbus" Nagin, trying (in vain) to explain this previous ass-stupid liberal quote:
"We as black people, it’s time, it’s time for us to come together. It’s time for us to rebuild a New Orleans, the one that should be a chocolate New Orleans and I don’t care what people are saying uptown or wherever they are, this city will be chocolate at the end of the day."
This man is in charge of an entire major American city, ladies and gentleman. All I'm sayin'.
posted by Jessica at 5:59 PM | Permalink |
Monday, January 16
Oh I know there's a joke in here somewhere.
Kim Jong- Il Peddling Fake Viagra
Add knockoff Viagra to the list of items exported by rogue state North Korea.
Author Peter Brookes, writing in the New York Post, says that North Korea "has become a gangster nation, pocketing $700 million to $1 billion a year from counterfeiting U.S. greenbacks, trafficking illicit narcotics, smuggling contraband smokes and even peddling knockoff Viagra.”
North Korea is the world’s third largest heroin producer behind Afghanistan and Burma, and 40 percent of the methamphetamine seized in Japan has been traced to Kim Jong-Il’s regime.
Over the past 16 years, authorities have seized $45 million in counterfeit U.S. $100 bills, of such high quality that they are called "supernotes.”
link
But he's still ronery.
Add knockoff Viagra to the list of items exported by rogue state North Korea.
Author Peter Brookes, writing in the New York Post, says that North Korea "has become a gangster nation, pocketing $700 million to $1 billion a year from counterfeiting U.S. greenbacks, trafficking illicit narcotics, smuggling contraband smokes and even peddling knockoff Viagra.”
North Korea is the world’s third largest heroin producer behind Afghanistan and Burma, and 40 percent of the methamphetamine seized in Japan has been traced to Kim Jong-Il’s regime.
Over the past 16 years, authorities have seized $45 million in counterfeit U.S. $100 bills, of such high quality that they are called "supernotes.”
link
But he's still ronery.
posted by Jessica at 11:22 PM | Permalink |
too bad, so sad.
Box-Office Sales Slump Over Holiday Weekend
LOS ANGELES -- Viewers favored family-oriented flicks over the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday weekend, with the animated fairy tale "Hoodwinked" and the inspirational sports flick "Glory Road" landing in the top two spots.
Box-office sales, however, were down about 12% from last year to $125.4 million, according to estimates released Monday.
more...
LOS ANGELES -- Viewers favored family-oriented flicks over the Martin Luther King Jr. holiday weekend, with the animated fairy tale "Hoodwinked" and the inspirational sports flick "Glory Road" landing in the top two spots.
Box-office sales, however, were down about 12% from last year to $125.4 million, according to estimates released Monday.
more...
posted by Jessica at 11:15 PM | Permalink |
Jessica's Golden Globes Scorecard:
11/18 correct.
Damn, Foreign Press. Make a liar out of me why dontcha? I totally misjudged the supporting actor categories for film, yet nailed them for television (while not getting the main tv actors right.) Oh well. At least no one gave a shout out to their pal Hugo Chavez, so it's a step in the right direction.
The Good:
Yea for Witherspoon, Phoenix, Huffman, and Hoffman taking the top acting nods!
Walk the Line wins Best Comedy/Musical (of which it is neither)
Hugh Laurie and Sandra Oh
The Unexplainably Bad:
George Clooney?? (See? Getting fat and bashing America will win you an award every.single.time.)
Geena Davis???? (They know they have no shot with Hillary. This is the next best thing.)
*Although her speech was like the best ever
I only caught the last hour, and was okay with the fact until I learned... I missed Eric Bana presenting? That's just wrong, man. Wrong.
Damn, Foreign Press. Make a liar out of me why dontcha? I totally misjudged the supporting actor categories for film, yet nailed them for television (while not getting the main tv actors right.) Oh well. At least no one gave a shout out to their pal Hugo Chavez, so it's a step in the right direction.
The Good:
Yea for Witherspoon, Phoenix, Huffman, and Hoffman taking the top acting nods!
Walk the Line wins Best Comedy/Musical (of which it is neither)
Hugh Laurie and Sandra Oh
The Unexplainably Bad:
George Clooney?? (See? Getting fat and bashing America will win you an award every.single.time.)
Geena Davis???? (They know they have no shot with Hillary. This is the next best thing.)
*Although her speech was like the best ever
I only caught the last hour, and was okay with the fact until I learned... I missed Eric Bana presenting? That's just wrong, man. Wrong.
posted by Jessica at 10:35 PM | Permalink |
Schadenfreude...It's what's for dinner.
TEHRAN, Jan 16, 2006 (AFP) - The US-based news channel CNN has been banned from working in Iran for having quoted President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad as saying his country is seeking nuclear weapons, a government official told AFP Monday.
During CNN's live translation of a press conference by Ahmadinejad Saturday, the president was quoted as saying that "we believe all nations are allowed to have nuclear weapons" and that the West should not "deprive us to have nuclear weapons".
The president was, however, using a Farsi word that meant "technology" and not "weapons".
"Taking into account CNN's actions contrary to professional ethics in the past years and their distortion of the president's comments during his press conference on Saturday, the activities of the CNN journalist in Tehran will end and no journalists from CNN will be authorised to come to Iran," a statement from the Iranian culture ministry said.
link
But--but Iran's been sooo progressive and accomodating lately. How could this happen??
During CNN's live translation of a press conference by Ahmadinejad Saturday, the president was quoted as saying that "we believe all nations are allowed to have nuclear weapons" and that the West should not "deprive us to have nuclear weapons".
The president was, however, using a Farsi word that meant "technology" and not "weapons".
"Taking into account CNN's actions contrary to professional ethics in the past years and their distortion of the president's comments during his press conference on Saturday, the activities of the CNN journalist in Tehran will end and no journalists from CNN will be authorised to come to Iran," a statement from the Iranian culture ministry said.
link
But--but Iran's been sooo progressive and accomodating lately. How could this happen??
posted by Jessica at 10:43 AM | Permalink |
Ass-stupid Liberal Quote of the Day:
"This guy [Judge Alito] just creeps me out. He's quiet. He's not a guy who shoots up stores, he dies in a blaze of glory. No. That's not who he is. He's like one of those guys who goes along for years really quietly ... murdering hookers. You know what I mean? That's more him. He's the kind of guy that you live next door to for 30 years, and then all of a sudden a bulldozer shows up, and there's 31 kids buried underneath. You know what I mean? That's his temperament. He's not a junkyard dog. He's not a barker. He's not like a [UN ambassador John] Bolton; y'know, obviously a big bully. No. He's more like a wolf in sheep's clothing. He looks really 'milk toasty'; you want to pet him, and actually, I want to make boots out of him. Y'know. But, uh. No. He's a hunter. And he's hunting for ways to - y'know - (changing tone) 'Balance of power? Oh. That's so '80's. 1780's!' You know what I mean? This is who he is."
-Randi Rhodes, Air America
And they wonder why no one's listening.
posted by Jessica at 12:53 AM | Permalink |
Sunday, January 15
Oh but when we do it, it's "indoctrination"
link
"Why Mommy is a Democrat may look like a traditional children's book, but definitely isn't just for children. With numerous subtle (and not-so-subtle) satirical swipes at the Bush administration and the Republican Party, Why Mommy will appeal to Democrats of all ages!"
Because thanks to the Democratic Party's shilling for the teacher's unions, most of us can only read at a third grade level! (Unfortunately the original title "Since Mommy's pro-choice, you should be extra lucky you're here at all!" was soundly rejected by the publishers.)
And be sure to pick up the companion piece
posted by Jessica at 2:24 PM | Permalink |
Saturday, January 14
And the circus keeps on keepin' on.
link
Official: Saddam Judge Offers Resignation
BAGHDAD, Iraq
The chief judge in Saddam Hussein's trial has submitted his resignation after becoming fed up with criticism that he had let the proceedings spin out of control, a court official said Saturday.
But it wasn't clear if Rizgar Mohammed Amin's resignation had been accepted amid behind-the-scenes efforts to change his mind.
Amin is the head of a five-judge tribunal overseeing the case against Saddam and seven co-defendants for the deaths of more than 140 Shiite Muslims in the town of Dujail in 1982 in retaliation for an assassination attempt.
The chief prosecutor in Saddam's trial, Jaafar al-Mousawi, told The Associated Press that Amin's resignation — if accepted — would not affect the proceedings because he could be quickly replaced....
You know, all of this is just an excellent reason to revisit this glorious website:
Rock, Paper, Saddam!
Official: Saddam Judge Offers Resignation
BAGHDAD, Iraq
The chief judge in Saddam Hussein's trial has submitted his resignation after becoming fed up with criticism that he had let the proceedings spin out of control, a court official said Saturday.
But it wasn't clear if Rizgar Mohammed Amin's resignation had been accepted amid behind-the-scenes efforts to change his mind.
Amin is the head of a five-judge tribunal overseeing the case against Saddam and seven co-defendants for the deaths of more than 140 Shiite Muslims in the town of Dujail in 1982 in retaliation for an assassination attempt.
The chief prosecutor in Saddam's trial, Jaafar al-Mousawi, told The Associated Press that Amin's resignation — if accepted — would not affect the proceedings because he could be quickly replaced....
You know, all of this is just an excellent reason to revisit this glorious website:
Rock, Paper, Saddam!
posted by Jessica at 6:12 PM | Permalink |
Quick Picks: The Rest
BEST MOTION PICTURE - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Walk the Line
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE -MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Matt Dillon, Crash
BEST DIRECTOR - MOTION PICTURE
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
BEST SCREENPLAY - MOTION PICTURE
Brokeback Mountain
BEST TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA
Lost
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA
Glenn Close, The Shield
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA
Hugh Laurie, House
BEST TELEVISION SERIES - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
My Name is Earl
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Macia Cross, Desperate Housewives
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Jason Lee, My Name is Earl
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Sandra Oh, Grey’s Anatomy
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Paul Newman, Empire Falls
Walk the Line
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Reese Witherspoon, Walk the Line
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE -MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Joaquin Phoenix, Walk the Line
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Michelle Williams, Brokeback Mountain
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Matt Dillon, Crash
BEST DIRECTOR - MOTION PICTURE
Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
BEST SCREENPLAY - MOTION PICTURE
Brokeback Mountain
BEST TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA
Lost
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA
Glenn Close, The Shield
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES - DRAMA
Hugh Laurie, House
BEST TELEVISION SERIES - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
My Name is Earl
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Macia Cross, Desperate Housewives
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES - MUSICAL OR COMEDY
Jason Lee, My Name is Earl
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Sandra Oh, Grey’s Anatomy
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Paul Newman, Empire Falls
posted by Jessica at 5:10 PM | Permalink |
Friday, January 13
Golden Globes Predictions
Because, despite my best intentions, I am still a whore for Hollywood (I’m thinking of putting that on a t-shirt), I’m going to amuse myself with my own crackerjack analysis of this year’s Golden Globe nominees.
*disclaimer: I have not seen 95% of the films nominated, nor do I plan to. This does not preclude anyone in the industry from commenting on them, so I feel justified. I have, however, seen about 80% of the television programs nominated, but I will try my best to not let that influence my commentary in any way.
Best Picture-Drama
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
For it: Compared to the other four, even I’m inclined to give it my vote.
Against it: With all those America-hating films to contend with, Mountain just may not be self-loathing enough.
b. THE CONSTANT GARDENER
For it: Western civilization is comprised of evil, vicious, greedy Capitalist drug companies who want to kill as many innocent Africans as possible. Bonus points for calling the Iraq War “Vietnam the Sequel.” How could it lose?
Against it: No gay cowboys.
c. GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK
For it: A look at Joseph McCarthy’s eeeevvviiiilll fascist and fruitless attempt to keep America from getting nuked by Communists, and how good, kind, and brave journalist Edward Murrow took that rat bastard down. At the end of his fight. After he’d exposed dozens of KGB agents working in the state department. None of which is mentioned. How could these brave, brave filmmakers not be rewarded?
Against it: Bonus points for continuing the false hysteria of McCarthyism, but sadly, no sex scences between Murrow and producer Fred Friendly. Better Luck next time.
d. A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
For it: A Bash-bashing leading man is always good, right? Right?
Against it: No one saw any of these nominees, but REALLY no one saw this one.
e. MATCH POINT
For it: Well, at least the main character isn’t a good-looking actor channeling Woody Allen so the director can vicariously score with hot chicks.
Against it: No gay cowboys, no cries of McCarthyism, and no evil drug companies? Oh please.
Should win: Wedding Crashers. What? It may as well.
Will win: Brokeback Mountain
Best Actress-Drama
a. MARIA BELLO, A History of Violence
For her: Critics dig her.
Against her: I think it’s for her and Huffman to duke out.
b. FELICITY HUFFMAN, Transamerica
For her: An actress playing a man who becomes a woman? Score. Plus, getting ugly always wins awards.
Against her: Bello has been taking a lot of the critics awards in this category.
c. GWYNETH PALTROW, Proof
For her: Nothing, apart from the contract with Satan that states Paltrow must receive a nomination every three years, regardless of whether she deserves it, which she never ever has.
Against her: Even the critics trashed this movie.
d. CHARLIZE THERON, North Country
For her: Women’s rights! Yeah, baby! So what if it’s poorly done and ten years too late?
Against her: She’s already won this award with a much better role in a much better movie.
e. ZIYI ZHANG, Memoirs of a Geisha
For her: It’s the Foreign Press. She’s foreign. That’s all I got.
Against her: Neither she nor her film bothered to attack the Bush administration, and the director was insensitive enough to cast Chinese actresses as Japanese characters. We don’t reward racist behavior like that. Plus, man alive did this thing get bad reviews.
Should win: Huffman
Will win: Huffman
Best Actor- Drama
a. RUSSELL CROWE, Cinderella Man
For him: Once again, it’s the Foreign Press. He’s foreign. And that’s all I’ve got.
Against him: He wouldn’t win even if he HADN’T chucked a phone at a hotel clerk’s head.
b. PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN, Capote
For him: An inarguably brilliant performance that’s already won him many critic’s awards.
Against him: Mountain has all the momentum, so to speak.
c. TERRENCE HOWARD, Hustle and Flow
For him: A breakout role that has garnered him tons of praise.
Against him: So not the year to play a heterosexual. Plus, we totally did the black thing last year, remember? Jamie Foxx? We only give awards to minorities on leap years. We think that makes us look “progressive.”
d. HEATH LEDGER, Brokeback Mountain
For him: Apparently, it’s his to lose.
Against him: Even if he does win, there’s a 22.6% chance that Jake Gyllenhaal will leap out of his seat and choke the life out of him, screaming, “I was in the movie too, damn you!! I was in the movie TOO.”
e. DAVID STRATHAIRN, Good Night and Good Luck
For him: Oh sure, he put an end to the Black Night of Fascism,
Against him: but was he gay while doing it? Don’t think so.
Should win: Hoffman
Will win: Ledger (It’s close, but with the Globes, the safe bet’s on the foreigners.)
Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture:
a.GEORGE CLOONEY, Syriana
-For Him: The higher budget of Clooney’s grand “America Bash 2005” cinematic offerings this year called for him to get fat. The tragic horrors of getting fat in Hollywood guarantee awards every single time. Plus, the only people who hate America more than Hollywood liberals are Foreign Press liberals. It’s a match made in PC heaven (or whatever your personal view of an afterlife happens to be).
-Against Him: Peel away the dazzling political posturing, and one tiny secret slips out- George Clooney can’t act.
b.MATT DILLON, Crash
-For Him: The only acting performance singled out from an impressive ensemble cast.
-Against Him: The movie was released way the crap back in the Spring. Voters have the attention span of tsetse flies.
c.WILL FERRELL, The Producers
-For Him: Everyone loves The Producers… Yeah, that’s all I got.
-Against Him: Dude, it’s Will Ferrell. I mean, I love the guy to pieces, but critics are snobs. Besides, we don’t want to give Jimmy Fallon any ideas.
d.PAUL GIAMATTI, Cinderella Man
-For Him: He lost Best Actor to Jamie Foxx last year, but critics love him. They could decide to honor him here instead.
-Against Him: Let me get this straight. The man loses for hit-o-the-year Sideways and anyone thinks he can win for a flick outshone by its star’s performance chucking phones at hotel clerks? Bitch please.
e.BOB HOSKINS, Mrs. Henderson Presents
-For Him: It’s the Foreign Press. Foreigners have like three legs up on the competition, and he’s the only one in this category.
-Against Him: Clooney kissed a lot of liberal ass for this nomination, and he’s surely not winning Best Director. They may throw him this bone, so that he can later say, “Yup, I beat that damn Will Ferrell real good.” So proud.
Should Win: Ferrell (Because it’s deliciously sweet to snobby European critics everywhere)
Will Win: Dillon
*disclaimer: I have not seen 95% of the films nominated, nor do I plan to. This does not preclude anyone in the industry from commenting on them, so I feel justified. I have, however, seen about 80% of the television programs nominated, but I will try my best to not let that influence my commentary in any way.
Best Picture-Drama
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
For it: Compared to the other four, even I’m inclined to give it my vote.
Against it: With all those America-hating films to contend with, Mountain just may not be self-loathing enough.
b. THE CONSTANT GARDENER
For it: Western civilization is comprised of evil, vicious, greedy Capitalist drug companies who want to kill as many innocent Africans as possible. Bonus points for calling the Iraq War “Vietnam the Sequel.” How could it lose?
Against it: No gay cowboys.
c. GOOD NIGHT, AND GOOD LUCK
For it: A look at Joseph McCarthy’s eeeevvviiiilll fascist and fruitless attempt to keep America from getting nuked by Communists, and how good, kind, and brave journalist Edward Murrow took that rat bastard down. At the end of his fight. After he’d exposed dozens of KGB agents working in the state department. None of which is mentioned. How could these brave, brave filmmakers not be rewarded?
Against it: Bonus points for continuing the false hysteria of McCarthyism, but sadly, no sex scences between Murrow and producer Fred Friendly. Better Luck next time.
d. A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE
For it: A Bash-bashing leading man is always good, right? Right?
Against it: No one saw any of these nominees, but REALLY no one saw this one.
e. MATCH POINT
For it: Well, at least the main character isn’t a good-looking actor channeling Woody Allen so the director can vicariously score with hot chicks.
Against it: No gay cowboys, no cries of McCarthyism, and no evil drug companies? Oh please.
Should win: Wedding Crashers. What? It may as well.
Will win: Brokeback Mountain
Best Actress-Drama
a. MARIA BELLO, A History of Violence
For her: Critics dig her.
Against her: I think it’s for her and Huffman to duke out.
b. FELICITY HUFFMAN, Transamerica
For her: An actress playing a man who becomes a woman? Score. Plus, getting ugly always wins awards.
Against her: Bello has been taking a lot of the critics awards in this category.
c. GWYNETH PALTROW, Proof
For her: Nothing, apart from the contract with Satan that states Paltrow must receive a nomination every three years, regardless of whether she deserves it, which she never ever has.
Against her: Even the critics trashed this movie.
d. CHARLIZE THERON, North Country
For her: Women’s rights! Yeah, baby! So what if it’s poorly done and ten years too late?
Against her: She’s already won this award with a much better role in a much better movie.
e. ZIYI ZHANG, Memoirs of a Geisha
For her: It’s the Foreign Press. She’s foreign. That’s all I got.
Against her: Neither she nor her film bothered to attack the Bush administration, and the director was insensitive enough to cast Chinese actresses as Japanese characters. We don’t reward racist behavior like that. Plus, man alive did this thing get bad reviews.
Should win: Huffman
Will win: Huffman
Best Actor- Drama
a. RUSSELL CROWE, Cinderella Man
For him: Once again, it’s the Foreign Press. He’s foreign. And that’s all I’ve got.
Against him: He wouldn’t win even if he HADN’T chucked a phone at a hotel clerk’s head.
b. PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN, Capote
For him: An inarguably brilliant performance that’s already won him many critic’s awards.
Against him: Mountain has all the momentum, so to speak.
c. TERRENCE HOWARD, Hustle and Flow
For him: A breakout role that has garnered him tons of praise.
Against him: So not the year to play a heterosexual. Plus, we totally did the black thing last year, remember? Jamie Foxx? We only give awards to minorities on leap years. We think that makes us look “progressive.”
d. HEATH LEDGER, Brokeback Mountain
For him: Apparently, it’s his to lose.
Against him: Even if he does win, there’s a 22.6% chance that Jake Gyllenhaal will leap out of his seat and choke the life out of him, screaming, “I was in the movie too, damn you!! I was in the movie TOO.”
e. DAVID STRATHAIRN, Good Night and Good Luck
For him: Oh sure, he put an end to the Black Night of Fascism,
Against him: but was he gay while doing it? Don’t think so.
Should win: Hoffman
Will win: Ledger (It’s close, but with the Globes, the safe bet’s on the foreigners.)
Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture:
a.GEORGE CLOONEY, Syriana
-For Him: The higher budget of Clooney’s grand “America Bash 2005” cinematic offerings this year called for him to get fat. The tragic horrors of getting fat in Hollywood guarantee awards every single time. Plus, the only people who hate America more than Hollywood liberals are Foreign Press liberals. It’s a match made in PC heaven (or whatever your personal view of an afterlife happens to be).
-Against Him: Peel away the dazzling political posturing, and one tiny secret slips out- George Clooney can’t act.
b.MATT DILLON, Crash
-For Him: The only acting performance singled out from an impressive ensemble cast.
-Against Him: The movie was released way the crap back in the Spring. Voters have the attention span of tsetse flies.
c.WILL FERRELL, The Producers
-For Him: Everyone loves The Producers… Yeah, that’s all I got.
-Against Him: Dude, it’s Will Ferrell. I mean, I love the guy to pieces, but critics are snobs. Besides, we don’t want to give Jimmy Fallon any ideas.
d.PAUL GIAMATTI, Cinderella Man
-For Him: He lost Best Actor to Jamie Foxx last year, but critics love him. They could decide to honor him here instead.
-Against Him: Let me get this straight. The man loses for hit-o-the-year Sideways and anyone thinks he can win for a flick outshone by its star’s performance chucking phones at hotel clerks? Bitch please.
e.BOB HOSKINS, Mrs. Henderson Presents
-For Him: It’s the Foreign Press. Foreigners have like three legs up on the competition, and he’s the only one in this category.
-Against Him: Clooney kissed a lot of liberal ass for this nomination, and he’s surely not winning Best Director. They may throw him this bone, so that he can later say, “Yup, I beat that damn Will Ferrell real good.” So proud.
Should Win: Ferrell (Because it’s deliciously sweet to snobby European critics everywhere)
Will Win: Dillon
posted by Jessica at 5:43 PM | Permalink |