Sunday, August 20
Jennifer Aniston catches a clue.
Jennifer Aniston Speaks Out On Engagement Rumors

...Aniston told People she was moved to speak once the reports were picked up widely by mainstream media.

"I don't feed into that," she said of the steady stream of rumors about her personal life. "We [her friends] don't talk about it. We don't hash it out because it's not true. The only reason I'm saying something is because if we're listening to the news, we're supposed to be believing in the news…Tabloids are going to lie all the time. You're prepared for that. But it's the news. And you think, 'Well, we need to trust what our newscasters are saying when we have this horrific situation that's actually taking place in the world, I mean, we are getting reported the truth, right?"

"The American people need to believe [the news]," Aniston says. "Please. Get it together. So that's all."

I know this happened last week, but somehow Jennifer "George Bush is a f***ing idiot" Aniston questioning the veracity of the mainstream media is still funny as hell. Like the people publishing pictures photoshopped by terrorists are busily fact-checking the latest Vaughniston rumors for journalistic accuracy. Puh-lease. She better watch out. Now that he's been fired from Reuters, a certain someone has plenty of time to photoshop her overexposed ass into a Vera Wang wedding dress. Probably standing in the rubble of a Lebanese village. As long as it's fake but accurate, it's all gravy.
posted by Jessica at 11:50 AM | Permalink |
Quote of the Day
"Those who doubted whether Iraq or the world would be better off without Saddam Hussein, and those who believe today that we are not safer with his capture, don't have the judgment to be President, or the credibility to be elected President. No one can doubt or should doubt that we are safer -- and Iraq is better -- because Saddam Hussein is now behind bars."

-Senator John Kerry (Democrat, Massachusetts)
Speech at Drake University in Iowa
December 16, 2003
posted by Jessica at 11:46 AM | Permalink |
John Kerry is an idiot.
In an exclusive appearance on "This Week with George Stephanopoulos", Senator John Kerry, D-Mass., blasted fellow Democrat Senator Joe Lieberman for continuing his bid in the Connecticut Senate race despite a narrow loss to newcomer challenger Ned Lamont in the Democratic primary earlier this month.

"I'm concerned that (Lieberman) is making a Republican case," Kerry told ABC News, accusing the 2000 Democratic vice presidential candidate of "adopting the rhetoric of Dick Cheney," on the issue of Iraq. Kerry continued, "Joe Lieberman is out of step with the people of Connecticut," insisting Liberman's stance on Iraq, "shows you just why he got in trouble with the Democrats there." Kerry called the Connecticut Senator's Independent bid a "huge mistake" and applauded businessman-turned-politician as "courageous" for challenging Lieberman on the war. Of his own views on Iraq, Kerry stated forthrightly, "The course of this country in Iraq is making the world more dangerous."

One wonders if Senator Kerry ever gets tired of being wrong about every single thing he says and does. Apparently not. I can't wait until Joe wins in a landslide this November and Kerry et al have to deal with him all pissed off and "independent." It's a wonder to behold.
posted by Jessica at 11:42 AM | Permalink |
Tuesday, August 15
Artistic criticism is so Gen-X
Critics' Voices Become a Whisper

Who says critics don't matter anymore? The new trailer for Paramount's upcoming numskull comedy "Jackass: Number Two" is full of quotes from reviews of the first movie. There's just one tiny twist: The studio uses the vitriolic reviews attacking the first film ("A disgusting, repulsive, grotesque spectacle" says an aghast Richard Roeper) to promote the new picture.

With a sly, leering note of triumph, the narrator intones: "Unfortunately for them, we just made 'Number Two.' "

All in all, it's been a rotten tomato of a summer for America's embattled film critics. "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest" broke box-office records left and right, despite a yowling chorus of negative reviews. M. Night Shyamalan cast Bob Balaban as a persnickety film critic in "Lady in the Water," then gleefully killed him off, allowing a snarling jackal-like creature to do the dirty deed.

Sony Corp. chief Howard Stringer, asked after the huge opening of "The Da Vinci Code" why the studio kept reviewers away from the film until the last possible moment, merrily quipped, "Nobody ever built a statue to a critic."
posted by Jessica at 12:39 PM | Permalink |
Tuesday, August 8
The Dixie Chicks can't get arrested.
Dixie Chicks Cancel Shows, Add Others

Associated Press Writer

Several concerts on the Dixie Chicks' "Accidents & Accusations" tour have been canceled after slow ticket sales, but the group says it has replaced them with other dates.

Kansas City, Houston, St. Louis, Memphis and Knoxville are among 14 cities no longer on the original schedule released in May, according to a revised itinerary posted Thursday on the Dixie Chick's Web site.

Other shows, including Nashville, Los Angeles, Denver and Phoenix, have been pushed back to later dates.

The North American leg of the tour kicked off July 21 in Detroit. Billboard magazine and other trade publications have reported lackluster sales in some markets, particularly in the South and Midwest.

Group spokeswoman Kathy Allmand said Monday that the total number of North American dates remains the same, with several Canadian cities added in place of the U.S. shows.

The trio released a statement last week attributing the changes to attempts to "accommodate demand" and said more dates might be added next year.

I suppose people were just bored by the thought of Natalie Maines whining between every song about how persecuted she is. Or having to listen to an entire song set about how persecuted she is. Or thinking about the millions of dollars she's made off of being so persecuted.
posted by Jessica at 8:26 AM | Permalink |
Tuesday, August 1
Photo of the Day

John Kerry campaigns for the youth vote.
posted by Jessica at 11:42 AM | Permalink |
Saturday, July 29

Once inside the car, a source directly connected with the case says Gibson began banging himself against the seat. The report says Gibson told the deputy, "You mother f****r. I'm going to f*** you." The report also says "Gibson almost continually [sic] threatened me saying he 'owns Malibu' and will spend all of his money to 'get even' with me."

The report says Gibson then launched into a barrage of anti-Semitic statements: "F*****g Jews... The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." Gibson then asked the deputy, "Are you a Jew?"

The deputy became alarmed as Gibson's tirade escalated, and called ahead for a sergeant to meet them when they arrived at the station. When they arrived, a sergeant began videotaping Gibson, who noticed the camera and then said, "What the f*** do you think you're doing?"

A law enforcement source says Gibson then noticed another female sergeant and yelled, "What do you think you're looking at, sugar tits?"

We're told Gibson took two blood alcohol tests, which were videotaped, and continued saying how "f****d" he was and how he was going to "f***" Deputy Mee.

posted by Jessica at 11:38 PM | Permalink |

There's really nothing not funny about this.
posted by Jessica at 11:33 PM | Permalink |
"I am very sad it came to this point where we had to buy a permanent home...I thought President Bush would have resigned by now. But I am happy about a permanent home in Crawford."
-Cindy Sheehan

Heh. Her box of anvils from the Acme factory arrives next week.
posted by Jessica at 11:18 PM | Permalink |
Tuesday, July 11
MSM Death Watch...

FINAL Weekday Competitive Program Ranker

June 2006: 5/27/2006 - 6/23/2006

Ranked On:

HH HH P2+ A25-54


FOXN THE OREILLY FACTOR MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 1.8 1,643 2,141 402

FOXN HANNITY & COLMES MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 1.3 1,180 1,490 321

FOXN ON THE RECORD W/GRETA MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 1.1 1,008 1,241 289

FOXN THE FOX REPORT W/S.SMITH MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 1.1 957 1,181 274

FOXN SPECIAL REPORTW/BRIT HUME MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 1.1 951 1,178 251

CNN LARRY KING LIVE MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 1.0 901 1,059 236

FOXN THE OREILLY FACTOR (RPT) MTWTF.. 11:00P -12:00A 0.9 757 942 282

FOXN THE BIG STORY W/J GIBSON MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.8 741 891 193

FOXN STUDIO B W/S.SMITH MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.9 767 890 216

FOXN FOX AND FRIENDS MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.9 781 878 315

FOXN YOUR WORLD W/NEIL CAVUTO MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.8 702 816 200

FOXN FOX NEWS LIVE MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.8 713 814 222

CNN LOU DOBBS TONIGHT MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.7 641 732 176

FOXN DAYSIDE MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.7 630 709 209

CNN ANDERSON COOPER 360 MTWTF.. 10:00P -12:00A 0.6 540 630 224

CNN PAULA ZAHN NOW MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.6 520 606 167

FOXN FOX & FRIENDS FIRST MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.6 492 519 206

CNN SITUATION ROOM MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.5 457 516 144

CNN AMERICAN MORNING MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.4 372 411 176

CNN CNN LIVE MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.4 368 408 144

CNN LIVE FROM ... MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.4 352 388 110

MSNB MSNBC INVESTIGATES ....F.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.4 321 371 172

CNN CNNI YOUR WORLD TODAY MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.3 313 336 106

MSNB SCARBOROUGH COUNTRY MTWT... 06:00A -11:00P 0.3 270 316 104

MSNB HARDBALL WITH C. MATTHEWS MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.3 260 299 100

MSNB IMUS IN THE MORNING MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.3 270 291 117

MSNB COUNTDOWN W/ K. OLBERMANN MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.3 243 286 106

MSNB RITA COSBY LIVE & DIRECT MTWT... 06:00A -11:00P 0.2 197 233 93

MSNB THE ABRAMS REPORT MTWTF.. 06:00A -11:00P 0.2 190 213 77

MSNB THE SITUATION W/T CARLSON MTWT... 11:00P -12:00A 0.2 190 210 90

Source: Nielsen Media Research, all regularly scheduled programs airing M-F 6am-12am excluding breaking news & specials.

posted by Jessica at 5:27 PM | Permalink |
Friday, July 7
State of the union.
I just realized that like the last 8 out of 10 posts I made have to do with Tom Cruise. This makes me sad. Unlike this time last year, when 8 out of 10 posts had to do with Clooney. Of course, Tom amuses the crap out of me while George fills me with the seething desire to pimpslap him, but I digress... I know I need to move on. There's so much else going on in the world. Kim Jong-Il is being even more nutters than usual. Al Gore is contesting the Mexican Presidential election after losing that one too. Paris Hilton released a second version of her hit new music video. Katharine McPhee is rapidly becoming the Norma Desmond of American Idol. And Lindsey Lohan has mysterious new boobs! I shall turn my attentions to all this and more...
posted by Jessica at 10:27 AM | Permalink |
US Weekly is all "WTF, Tomkat? Show da kitten, yo!"

Three months after her birth, Baby Suri, is still unseen, even by the family’s closest friends. A source says Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have yet to show her off to fellow Scientologists John Travolta, Kelly Preston and Lisa Marie Presley. Even good pals Will and Jada Pinkett Smith supposedly have not met her, despite repeated calls to Cruise. “Every time, it’s a different excuse: He’s busy or Kate’s not feeling well,” says a source. ‘[The Smiths] think it’s so weird.”

Soon after the baby was born, photo agency WireImage approached multiple outlets (including Us) with the news that it would be offering pictures of Suri for auction. Days later, on May 11, before official bidding was even underway, the agency sent out an e-mail declaring that “the baby shoot is on hold for now. There is no additional info as to when this may happen or if it will even happen at all.”
I think it's pretty clear what's happened. The baby, if there ever *was* such a thing, has been sent off for early indoctrination by her Uncle Xenu up on Space Mountain. Tom is busily devising a new voodoo ceremony to sic hundreds of nasty thetans onto Branjelina. And if no one comes up with the $4 million blood money for the baby photos, he will launch a series of no-dong missiles into Long Beach harbor. Katie is, of course, still chained up in the basement frantically trying to text SOS messages to James Van Der Beek with her nose. I mean, duh. I don't see why this warrants an entire cover story. Wasn't there enough intel on the fake Jenvaughnistan engagement? And do you think while any of these reporters were spending a hundred grand getting their journalism degrees they ever thought their lives would revolve around baby bump-spotting and programming celebrity couple nicknames into their spell checks? I know I didn't. Kidding. My degree's in English. And I'm not getting paid, which is infinitely sadder. But I know it, and I think that's the most important part.
posted by Jessica at 9:56 AM | Permalink |
$20 bucks and a baby chincilla says they're pro-choice...
Beyoncé Ambushed by PETA at Nobu

Beyoncé was confronted Thursday night at the swanky restaurant Nobu in New York City by two members of People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). The two had won an eBay auction, benefiting VH1's Save the Music Foundation, to dine with the star. Beyoncé had no idea they were PETA members.

TMZ obtained video of the confrontation, shot by PETA, taped inside the restaurant. As they sat at the table, Beyoncé, who has a fashion line with her mother that uses fur, had no idea what was coming. After placing their orders, the PETA members confronted the singer.

The PETA members then pulled out a portable DVD player and began playing a tape of Pamela Anderson's attack on the fur industry, which highlights graphic footage of the process of killing animals for their fur.

Also present at the table -- Beyoncé's mother Tina and her sister Solange.

The PETA members were swiftly escorted out of the restaurant. Beyoncé and her relatives stayed inside.

Calls to Beyoncé's reps were not immediately returned.

I love that the only way liberals can get normal people to pay any attention to them whatsoever is by "ambushing" them. Apparently the last history lesson they stayed awake for was the French and Indian War. I didn't even know Beyonce had a clothing line, or that I needed special accent characters to type her name correctly. Or that PETA's new super secret plan to get their out message hinged on ebay. So today is chalk full 'o learnings.
posted by Jessica at 9:15 AM | Permalink |
Thursday, July 6
Quote of the Day:
"You CANNOT go into a 7-11 or a Dunkin Donuts without an Indian accent."
-Sen. Joe Biden (D-DE)

I'm giddily looking forward to the campaign ad his opponents will be running this fall based on the above quote. I've been on vacation, so I thought I'd ease back into blogging with a little liberal stupidity. Thanks, Joe.
posted by Jessica at 4:42 PM | Permalink |
Tuesday, June 13
George W. Bush controls the weather.

“It is now generally recognized that while Al Gore and I were ridiculed, we were right about global warming...It’s a serious problem. It’s going to lead to more hurricanes.”

-Bill Clinton

Refresh my memory. Didn't Hurricane Andrew occur on Clinton's watch? That was a pretty bad one, wasn't it? Or how 'bout that one that leveled Galveston in the early 1900's? Oh, wait. History began the day Bush was inaugurated. My bad. Stupid manbearpig. When will we ever learn?
posted by Jessica at 7:41 PM | Permalink |
"It's just a jump to the left, and then a step to the right..."
Clinton Seeks Middle Ground in Abortion Debate

WASHINGTON, June 13 — Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York moved today to shift the debate over abortion to the subject of access to family planning services, saying that the nation's focus should be on preventing unwanted pregnancies.

Mrs. Clinton's remarks reflect the degree to which Democrats around the country are trying find a middle ground on the issue of abortion since their party's defeats in the November 2004 elections.

"This should not be an ideological battle," the senator said during a speech to members of the National Family Planning and Reproductive Health Association in Washington.

"Let us unite around a common goal of reducing the amount of abortions," she said, "not by making them illegal as many are attempting to do or overturning Roe v. Wade and undermining the constitutional protections that decision provided, but by preventing unintended pregnancies in the first place through education, contraception, accessible health care and services, empowering women to make decisions."

A) It absolutely is an ideological battle. I just can't see God's party line on abortion being "safe but limited." B) Marrying and staying married to Bill has completely stripped her of any moral authority regarding women's rights. It just has. C) The continual lie that abortion will be rendered lillegal if Roe v. Wade is overturned is irresponsible and ridiculous, but so are liberals.
posted by Jessica at 7:12 PM | Permalink |
Clinton Seeks Middle Ground in Abortion Debate

WASHINGTON, June 13 — Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York moved today to shift the debate over abortion to the subject of access to family planning services, saying that the nation's focus should be on preventing unwanted pregnancies.

Mrs. Clinton's remarks reflect the degree to which Democrats around the country are trying find a middle ground on the issue of abortion since their party's defeats in the November 2004 elections.

"This should not be an ideological battle," the senator said during a speech to members of the National Family Planning and Reproductive Health Association in Washington.

"Let us unite around a common goal of reducing the amount of abortions," she said, "not by making them illegal as many are attempting to do or overturning Roe v. Wade and undermining the constitutional protections that decision provided, but by preventing unintended pregnancies in the first place through education, contraception, accessible health care and services, empowering women to make decisions."

A) It absolutely is an ideological battle. I just can't see God's party line on abortion being "safe but limited." B) Marrying and staying married to Bill has completely stripped her of any moral authority regarding women's rights. It just has. C) The continual lie that abortion will be rendered lillegal if Roe v. Wade is overturned is irresponsible and ridiculous, but so are liberals.
posted by Jessica at 7:12 PM | Permalink |
The title is better than the story.
Daryl Hannah Removed from Tree
- Sheriff's deputies and police evicted farmers and supporters Tuesday from a 14-acre urban community garden being reclaimed by the landowner, making arrests as protesters resisted by occupying a tree, chaining themselves to barrels of concrete and blocking traffic with demonstrations in nearby streets.

Actress Daryl Hannah and famous tree sitter John Quigley raised their fists as authorities used a fire truck lift to bring them down from a walnut tree towering over the green swath in a gritty area southeast of downtown.

"Daryl, we're with you!" protester Jenny Flores yelled through a megaphone from a nearby street.

Like I said, this one's all about the title. I wish I hadn't read any further. I thought maybe she'd lost it completely and had moved into one. I was picturing her camped out up in the branches wearing a pair of longjohns and eating honey from a pot like Winnie the Pooh. Or maybe screaming wildly in an alien language like Anne Heche in Fresno that Xenu ordered her to keep watch for rogue Thetans. But protesting for environmental causes? Please. That doesn't even rate on the celebrity hijinks scale. Give me a call when the tree is in Namibia or something.
posted by Jessica at 6:54 PM | Permalink |
I'd repeat the definition of insanity, but what's the point?
Kerry: ‘I Was Wrong' On Iraq

Washington, D.C. ( U.S. Sen. John Kerry of Massachusetts on Tuesday told an audience at the liberal Take Back America conference that he was sorry for voting to authorize the war in Iraq, calling the entire mission "a mistake."

"We were misled, we were given evidence that was not true," Kerry said. "It was wrong, and I was wrong to vote [for it]."

Kerry, who led an unsuccessful bid for the presidency in 2004, said it was necessary to admit mistakes because "you cannot change the future if you''re not honest about the past." He criticized supporters of the war, who label anti-war activists and politicians as unpatriotic and pessimistic.

"The true pessimists are those who will not accept that America''s strength depends on our credibility at home and around the world," Kerry said. "The true pessimists are those who do not understand that valuing our principles is critical to our national security and it is as critical to our national security as our military power itself."

He said questioning the war and fighting in it are "two sides of the very same patriotic coin" and compared the modern anti-war movement to the anti-war movement in the Vietnam War. Kerry, who served in Vietnam, returned to the United States and offered testimony to Congress, opposing the war and describing horrific war crimes he said soldiers committed there.

Boy, do Democrats have great timing or what? What better way to celebrate our killing one of the world's most infamous terrorists than total surrender? Alas, he'll always have 'Nam...
posted by Jessica at 6:41 PM | Permalink |
Saturday, May 13
Well this is impressive, even for them.
Roe attorney: Use abortion to 'eliminate poor'

In unearthed letter urged President-elect Clinton to 'reform' country

A letter to Bill Clinton written by the co-counsel who successfully argued the Roe v. Wade decision urged the then-president-elect to "eliminate the barely educated, unhealthy and poor segment of our country" by liberalizing abortion laws.

Ron Weddington, who with his wife Sarah Weddington represented "Jane Roe," sent the four-page letter to President Clinton's transition team before Clinton took office in January 1993.


Weddington told the president-elect: "I don't think you are going to go very far in reforming the country until we have a better educated, healthier, wealthier population."

He said the new leader can "start immediately to eliminate the barely educated, unhealthy and poor segment of our country."

Weddington qualified his statement, saying, "No, I'm not advocating some sort of mass extinction of these unfortunate people. Crime, drugs and disease are already doing that. The problem is that their numbers are not only replaced but increased by the birth of millions of babies to people who can't afford to have babies.

"There, I've said it. It's what we all know is true, but we only whisper it, because as liberals who believe in individual rights, we view any program which might treat the disadvantaged differently as discriminatory, mean-spirited and ... well ... so Republican."

Weddington explained he was "not proposing that you send federal agents armed with Depo-Provera dart guns to the ghetto. You should use persuasion rather than coercion."

He points to President Clinton and his soon-to-be first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton as the "perfect example."

"Could either of you have gone to law school and achieved anything close to what you have if you had three or four or more children before you were 20?" he asked. "No! You waited until you were established and in your 30's to have one child. That is what sensible people do."

Later, Weddington took a shot at the "religious right."

"Having convinced the poor that they can't get out of poverty when they have all those extra mouths to feed, you will have to provide the means to prevent the extra mouths, because abstinence doesn't work. The religious right has had 12 years to preach its message. It's time to officially recognize that people are going to have sex and what we need to do as a nation is prevent as much disease and as many poor babies as possible."

Weddington then argued that with 30 million abortions up to that point since Roe v. Wade was decided in 1973, America is a much better place.

"Think of all the poverty, crime and misery ... and then add 30 million unwanted babies to the scenario," he said. "We lost a lot of ground during the Reagan-Bush religious orgy. We don't have a lot of time left."

Even if I didn't believe in hell, I'd still think this guy was going there. Still, I couldn't possibly be less surprised that he said any of this, which is sad in and of itself.

posted by Jessica at 2:41 PM | Permalink |
Sunday, May 7
Every time Hollywood takes a pay cut, a Third World country lives to eat another day.
Star salaries coming down in Hollywood?

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Poor Jim Carrey. His movies have raked in nearly $2 billion at box offices, but now a leading entertainment magazine says the comedian's asking price of $25 million a film has become "a bit of a gamble."

In its issue out this week, Entertainment Weekly rates top stars on whether they are worth the money.

Among those whose asking prices have become too high are Carrey, Nicole Kidman, Will Ferrell and Eddie Murphy, the magazine said.

It added that after years of ever-rising star salaries, the prices for top talent are now coming down because the cost of making movies is going up, among other issues. "It's long overdue," former Twentieth Century Fox Chairman Bill Mechanic told the magazine.

Entertainment Weekly quoted several studio executives as saying the rising cost of production has led many stars to take large parts of their fees from revenue and profit participation that may never materialize if films flop at box offices.

...Carrey's not the only one. Kidman is considered a risky bet after the box office failure of "Bewitched" and "The Stepford Wives" among other recent films.

Will Ferrell's $20 million also made the list of risky bets given recent box office disappointments and Eddie Murphy's $20 million was considered downright "too pricey."

But Tom Hanks' $25 million was thought to be "worth every penny" because he remains "one of the most bankable brand names in the world." Oscar nominee Jake Gyllenhaal, at $5 million to $7 million a picture, and Rachel McAdams at $3 million to $4 million, were bargains.
Ironically, Jim Carey is one of the only A-List actors I don't hate these days. In fact, after "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", my favorite movie of the past, oh, five years, I'm convinced he's one of the most underrated dramatic actors in the field. But I'm more concerned that EW thinks that Tom Hanks, who most recently starred in "The Terminal" and "The Ladykillers," is worth every penny of his $25 million. I like the guy, but every time I see the trailer for "The Da Vinci Code," I think how hideously miscast he is. The movie will make eleventy billion dollars though, so it doesn't really matter. I just think it will have more to do with America's predeliction for crap thrillers than Tom Hanks.
posted by Jessica at 12:49 PM | Permalink |
Nobody watchess CNN.

May 4, 2006 -- IF Anderson Cooper isn't just a little embarrassed, he should be. Sure, he made the cover of Vanity Fair - but inside is a creepy photo of the CNN dandy in a mama's-boy pose with real-life mother Gloria Vanderbilt that has media types snickering. Worse, Cooper was sucker-punched with his April ratings that had his prime-time show down about 36 percent with younger viewers he's supposed to attract. Aaron Brown, whom Cooper ousted, was actually doing better this time last year.
Why do people always act so surpised when liberals fail? I'm only surprised when they succeed. Before the media forced me to, I had never heard of Anderson Cooper, other than a glowing story Maureen Dowd wrote about how she wanted to do him. I've still never seen his show. I've seen Seth Meyers play Cooper on Saturday Night Live, but that's as close as I've come. Face the facts. This is America. We're all too busy watching American Idol.
posted by Jessica at 12:37 PM | Permalink |
Life Lesson: Don't piss off Prozac Nation.
'Mission' Fizzling? Box Office Imploding

Friday night's numbers are in for "Mission: Impossible III," and they aren't what Paramount or Tom Cruise might have hoped for.

The JJ Abrams-directed blockbuster took in only $17 million according to website That's a good $3 million off the lowest predictions, and $8 million off what a real mega hit would have been.

Box Office Mojo's Brandon Gray says that the weekend total should now be in the $45 million range. It's not a catastrophe by any means, but it does show that star Tom Cruise's public persona and negative publicity plus a raft of mediocre reviews for the film have put a dent in his plans to rule the universe.

Grays says the new "Mission" numbers are a disappointment because both installments 1 and 2 did much better. "They each sold around 50 percent more tickets on their opening weekends (Friday-Sunday)," Gray says, "despite opening on Wednesdays."

At this rate, Cruise may want some kind of pharmacological drug to ease the pain on Sunday night. Paramount execs definitely will.
This surprises me a little, mostly because I think Tom Cruise is a total ass monkey, and I still went to see it. I really liked it too. I learned back when "Minority Report" came out to just pretend that the guy on screen isn't an ass monkey. Apparently when celebrities are completely insane, like Cruise, Tim Robbins, Sean Penn, etc., I can still watch their films. When they're hypocritical judgmental asses, like Julia Roberts, Matt Damon, and George Clooney, I would rather stab myself in the eye with a spork than pay to see them do anything. Which is good, since Damon and Clooney work together about 90% of the time now. It makes for fewer movies to avoid.
posted by Jessica at 12:22 PM | Permalink |
Monday, May 1
Golddiggers: 1 Spiteful Children: 0
Anna Nicole Smith Wins Ruling

Former Playmate of the Year Anna Nicole Smith won a unanimous U.S. Supreme
Court ruling on Monday and gets a new chance to collect millions of dollars she
says her late Texas oil tycoon husband promised her.
The justices overturned
a U.S. appeals court ruling that the former topless dancer was entitled to
nothing because federal courts lacked jurisdiction to hear claims that are also
involved in state probate hearings.
Smith was 26 when she married oil tycoon
J. Howard Marshall, then 89, in 1994. They met three years earlier when she was
dancing in a Houston bar.

The son always seemed like a nasty little bugger to me, and since I don't care enough to actually research the story, I'll just vote on who entertains me more. Anna wins. By a lot.
posted by Jessica at 1:54 PM | Permalink |
Saturday, April 29
Jake Gyllenhaal is an asshole.
Gyllenhaal Offends Gulf War Veterans

JAKE GYLLENHAAL has shocked American Gulf War veterans by joking they did nothing but "masturbate" during their time in the desert in 1991. The cheeky 25-year-old stars in JARHEAD, a movie exposing the US soldiers' lack of combat in the Middle Eastern conflict. He said, "The US soldiers were sent to the desert for 122 days and they sat in the same tent and did nothing, except a little too much masturbating."
You know what Jake was doing during the Gulf War? Completing the 5th grade, just like me. Unlike me, he is a Hollywood-raised liberal "Buddhist" who likes to star in crap action movies about how global warming will kill us all in like a day. He may have lost that Oscar to Clooney, but he does however win today's STFU award. Congrats, Jake. Shut it.
posted by Jessica at 11:13 PM | Permalink |
Monday, April 24
The Times They Are a-Changin'
Don't look now, but the pro-life movement is winning.

...The polling on abortion since Roe has remained remarkably consistent: Most Americans support reasonable limits on abortion. In Gallup polling since 1973, fewer than 25 percent support the availability of abortion in all circumstances, so-called "abortion on demand." Thus, the position taken by the most extreme pro-abortion groups--the National Organization for Women, NARAL, the ACLU, and others--has the support of fewer than a quarter of the American people. A Zogby poll taken earlier this year found the majority of Americans, in some cases near 70 percent, support pro-life laws currently being considered on the state and national level--from prohibiting taxpayer funding of abortions to lifting requirements that health insurance plans cover the procedure to 24-hour waiting periods and parental notification laws.

The turning point for the pro-life movement may well have been the fight over partial-birth abortion. Most Americans had probably never heard of the procedure before former New Hampshire senator Bob Smith took to the floor of the Senate in 1995 with graphic illustrations of this gruesome procedure that entails a doctor killing a late-term, viable baby at the very moment of birth. Americans were repelled by the procedure and rightly recoiled. Few had suspected that the pitiless logic of Roe would produce this barbarous practice, one the American Medical Association says is never medically necessary to preserve the life or health of the mother.

A large number of Americans also recoiled from the defense of a procedure that even some pro-choice advocates likened to infanticide. NOW and NARAL alienated millions of Americans with a morally obtuse defense of the indefensible. Many Americans concluded that if being for a woman's right to choose meant embracing such a hideous procedure, well, they no longer thought of themselves as pro-choice.

Other factors intervened that generated growing support for the pro-life movement. Since the day it was handed down, Roe has been at war with science and technology. Sonograms and ultrasound imaging were unknown in 1973. Today, millions of mothers get their first glimpse of their babies while they are still in the womb. The development of so-called 4-D ultrasound imaging has undercut pro-abortion efforts to dehumanize the unborn, to depict life in utero as nothing but a lump of unwanted tissue. Advances in pre-and neonatal care mean that babies born prematurely who never would have survived at the time of Roe not only survive, but also thrive and become healthy, happy children. Medical progress has made a scientific shambles of Roe's artificial trimester scheme. cont'd...

posted by Jessica at 10:31 PM | Permalink |
But--but that movie said he was totally kewl!
Andy Garcia is Fed Up With People Who Glorify Che Guevara

Andy Garcia is urging fashion-conscious rebels to stop wearing T-shirts emblazoned with the image of Latino revolutionary Ernesto 'Che' Guevara because they remind Cubans of terrible times. The actor accepts that Guevara stands for rebellion and is seen as a hero to many, but he sees the revolutionary as a butcher who killed millions of his countrymen.

Argentine-born Guevara helped current Cuban leader Fidel Castro overthrow General Fulgencio Batista's government in a guerrilla revolution in the late 1950s.

Garcia, who left Cuba when he was five, says, "I'd be curious to go around and ask them how much they really know about Che. Some people wearing the T-shirt don't even know his name. They know he's some sort of revolutionary, and to wear his image is cool because you feel like a revolutionary. Someone told me the other day that they asked one of these people if they were aware of all the executions that Che was a part of in Cuba and the guy said, 'Well, I don't know if that's true, as if it had been made up to discredit him.' I wish you could say it was made up because that would mean that all those people didn't die under his thumb. That's the tragedy."
posted by Jessica at 10:19 PM | Permalink |
Liberals just can't catch a break.

True to the old George S. Kaufman quote that "satire is what closes on Saturday night," American Dreamz was out of tune with an estimated $3.7 million at 1,500 venues. Writer-director Paul Weitz' politics and pop culture satire cost $17 million to make and featured the stars of his previous hits About a Boy (Hugh Grant) and In Good Company (Dennis Quaid). Distributor Universal Pictures reported an audience breakdown of 62 percent female and 51 percent over 30.

Part of American Dreamz' comedic conceit was a send-up of the top-rated television singing competition American Idol, but it merely fictionalized what the show already does with real contestants: making fun of lousy singers. There was no compelling reason for moviegoers to pay to see what they currently get for free on TV.

You mean spending $17 million to make a movie about Bush being stupid and American Idol being ridiculous didn't make 'em flock to the theaters? Too bad, so sad. I guess there's no money left in jokes that hit their ceiling back in 2002.
posted by Jessica at 12:41 PM | Permalink |