Thursday, March 31
Somewhere there's already a producer writing a script treatment...
Seagulls attack horse race
A horse race had to be abandoned after an angry flock of seagulls attacked riders.
Five jockeys were dismounted when gulls interrupted the 5.20pm Goldenway Handicap at Sandown Races in Melbourne, Australia.
The field of 12 was making its way up the home straight with the seagulls between them and the finishing post.
The gulls seemingly panicked and flew directly at the horses, causing five to shed their riders and the rest to scatter.
Once the feathers and dust had settled some confused jockeys were left picking themselves up off the track.
Among the injured were the apprentice Brady Cross with a broken arm and Darren Gauci, who had chipped teeth and stiffness in the neck. All were said to be shaken and confused.
Racing Victoria's chief steward Des Gleeson said after viewing film that his panel had no option but to declare a no-race due to "external issues which affected the race. Every horse was affected," he said.

Here's hoping there's lots and lots of video.
posted by Jessica at 4:25 PM | Permalink |

Posted by Hello
posted by Jessica at 2:55 PM | Permalink |
Wednesday, March 30
You can't become a true conservative icon until someone has smashed a pie in your face.
Earlham student hits pundit with pie
Associated Press
March 30, 2005
RICHMOND, Ind. -- A pie in the face didn't silence conservative pundit William Kristol during a speech at Earlham College.
A man who later was identified as a student at the private Quaker college jumped onto the stage and splattered Kristol with the pie Tuesday night about 30 minutes into a speech about U.S. foreign policy.
Members of the audience jeered the student as he walked off the stage, then applauded as Kristol wiped the goo off his face with a paper towel and said, "Just let me finish this point," the Palladium-Item reported.
The student was suspended and could face expulsion following a disciplinary review, Earlham Provost Len Clark said today.
The school, which did not release the student's name, said Kristol was hit by an ice cream pie. Some of the pie also hit college President Doug Bennett, who was sitting on the stage.
Clark issued a written apology complimenting Kristol for his "graciousness."
Kristol, the editor of The Weekly Standard in Washington who was chief of staff to Vice President Dan Quayle, finished his speech after he was hit by the pie and then took questions from the audience before spending 30 minutes talking with students and others who gathered at the edge of the stage.
Earlham is a liberal arts college of about 1,200 students that is well-known for its peace studies program.
posted by Jessica at 4:37 PM | Permalink |
At least she'll be able to boost the "skills" section of her resume.


March 30, 2005 -- Kids spend more time in high school sending text messages than reading textbooks, a New Jersey father discovered to his horror — after his 16-year-old daughter rang up a whopping $1,058 cellphone bill.
The bill covered a month and a half, was more than 200 pages long and listed more than 12,000 text messages, said John Taylor of Oaklyn.
His daughter Ashley had sent and received almost all those messages while she was in school, where students are supposed to stow their cellphones in their lockers before classes start.
Ashley, a junior at Gloucester City HS, "no longer has a cellphone," said Taylor, who now knows why his daughter has been failing math and social studies.
"She was busy text-messaging in both classes and she got F's in both — from not paying attention," he said.
Her cellphone bill showed messages sent "at 8:01, 8:02, 8:03, 8:04 — all the way through to 3 p.m. on some days," he said.
"Everyone in school" is doing it, he said.
posted by Jessica at 2:16 PM | Permalink |
Tuesday, March 29
Holy Irony, Batman!!
Report: Pope may require feeding tube
Associated Press

VATICAN CITY — Pope John Paul II may have to return to the hospital to have a feeding tube inserted, an Italian news agency reported today. It stressed that no decision had been made.
The APcom news agency, citing an unidentified source, said the 84-year-old pope might have to have the tube inserted to improve his nutrition since he is having difficulty swallowing with the breathing tube that was inserted Feb. 24.

That settles it. The pope must be starved. This is a matter of principle, people!
posted by Jessica at 2:32 PM | Permalink |
Monday, March 28
Another dangerous criminal behind bars.

(03-24) 04:29 PST MOUNT CARMEL, Tenn. (AP) --
A yearning for breakfast helped end a police chase. Jeffery Lynn Drinnon, 30, was arrested at the drive-through lane of a Hardee's restaurant about 5 a.m. Tuesday after leading police on a low-speed chase.
"He turned into Hardee's, pulls up to the drive-through and rolls the window down like he's going to order a biscuit before he goes to jail," Mount Carmel Assistant Police Chief Mike Campbell said. "They had the car surrounded with guns drawn at the drive-through at Hardee's, and he's wanting breakfast."
Police began chasing Drinnon after a market reported he drove away without paying for $7 of gasoline. Officers said they used blue lights and sirens to try to get Drinnon to pull over, but he kept going until he saw the restaurant.
Drinnon was charged with driving under the influence, driving on a revoked license, evading arrest, resisting arrest and theft under $500.
He was taken into custody before he could place his order.
posted by Jessica at 6:21 PM | Permalink |
At least the judicial system is still protecting our bovine population.
Cabot farmer serving reparative sentence for cow deaths
March 24, 2005

BARRE – A Cabot farmer convicted of starving his cows to death has begun serving a reparative sentence imposed by Washington County prosecutors as part of a plea bargain.Christian DeNeergaard pleaded guilty to five misdemeanor counts of animal cruelty in January. He received a suspended one-year sentence as well as 30 days of work crew assignment as part of a deal with prosecutors. DeNeergaard, 47, may not own or possess livestock during his year of probation and must also undergo alcohol-abuse counseling.In October, then-Washington County State's Attorney Tom Kelly said he would seek at least some jail time for animal neglect, which claimed the lives of at least 11 cows."We think some jail time is appropriate," said Kelly in an October interview. "The cows suffered tremendously."
posted by Jessica at 6:11 PM | Permalink |
At least the judicial system is still protecting our bovine population.
Cabot farmer serving reparative sentence for cow deaths
March 24, 2005

BARRE – A Cabot farmer convicted of starving his cows to death has begun serving a reparative sentence imposed by Washington County prosecutors as part of a plea bargain.Christian DeNeergaard pleaded guilty to five misdemeanor counts of animal cruelty in January. He received a suspended one-year sentence as well as 30 days of work crew assignment as part of a deal with prosecutors. DeNeergaard, 47, may not own or possess livestock during his year of probation and must also undergo alcohol-abuse counseling.In October, then-Washington County State's Attorney Tom Kelly said he would seek at least some jail time for animal neglect, which claimed the lives of at least 11 cows."We think some jail time is appropriate," said Kelly in an October interview. "The cows suffered tremendously."
posted by Jessica at 6:11 PM | Permalink |
Friday, March 25

Posted by Hello
posted by Jessica at 3:59 PM | Permalink |
Thursday, March 24
Too funny.
Police: 'Michael Moore Bandit' Hits Monroe Bank
Man Wanted For Two Robberies In Westland

Authorities in Monroe are searching for a man known as the "Michael Moore bandit."
The man, who police say earned the nickname because of his resemblance to the filmmaker, is wanted in the armed robbery of a Standard Federal Bank at about 9:20 a.m. on Saturday.
Police said the man entered the bank at 602 Monroe Avenue and implied that he had a weapon. An undetermined amount of cash was taken in the robbery.
The man was last seen walking south from the bank

What they fail to mention is that Michael Moore is such a desperate publicity whore, it could very well be him.
posted by Jessica at 3:02 PM | Permalink |
Wednesday, March 23
This is sheer insanity.
GRANITE CITY - A Sothern Illinois woman was arrested last week (March 17) after trying to intervene on behalf of her 14-year old daughter's effort to have an abortion. The girl was allegedly taken to an abortion clinic by the mother of the man allegedly to have impregnated the 14-year old.
According to the girl's mother, her 14-year old daughter was called off from school in Madison County by a woman posing as the girl's “grandmother.” The woman took the girl from her home only minutes before the girl’s mother returned home from work.
It was later determined that the woman who had posed as the "grandmother" to the school authorities was the mother of the male who had fathered the unborn child the 14-year old girl was carrying. The age of the male has not been released.
When the parents were notified their pregnant daughter was not at school, they suspected she had been taken to the Hope Abortion Clinic in Granite City. The parents and grandfather were the only persons authorized to request school absence for the fourteen year old female.
“My husband and I rushed to the abortion clinic where we saw our daughter’s name on the roster and the time she had checked in,” the mother said. She then went into the clinic and searched a room filled with young women awaiting abortions but did not see her daughter.
She took a seat near the main desk and said, “I was told I could not prove my daughter was there so I began calling her name. A medical tech at the clinic told me , ‘It’s your daughter’s rights, it’s her body. You have no rights.’”
After continuing to call out her daughter’s name and telling her “don’t do it,” authorities were called and the mother was arrested.
The 14-year old told her mother she could hear her but when she asked employees to give her mother a message, they came back to the room and told her that her mother had left.
Angela Michaels, of Small Victories Ministry, was tipped off as to what was happending at the Hope clinic. According to Michaels, she witnessed police placing the mother’s hands behind her back, taking her into custody. As the police were putting the mother in the squad car, she was crying out, “Please, please, help daughter is in there.”
Michaels said, “Exactly one hour later at 10:35 a.m., the 14-year old emerged from the clinic looking disheveled. The 14-year old told us that employees kept her in a quiet room until the procedure was performed and she was told that her mother had left.”
Employees assured this girl on her departure, “No-one will ever know you were here, we’ll bury your records.”
In the meantime, the woman who had taken the girl for the abortion was slipped out the back door of the clinic.
posted by Jessica at 5:40 PM | Permalink |
Yeah, the view from the rape rooms was *spectacular*
BAGHDAD, Iraq - Baghdad, whose name means the "Garden of God," has fallen from grace. Known for centuries as one of the most beautiful cities in the world, its landscape has been marred by concrete blast walls, barbed wire, steel barricades, sandbags and crumbling buildings pockmarked by bullet holes or gutted by explosions.

Things have gotten so bad that the Iraqi capital has dropped to the bottom of a quality of life survey of 215 cities, conducted by the London-based Mercer Human Resource Consulting.
"We used to be under sanctions and the economic conditions were dire, but never was the city so ugly. Between the chopped trees and the burned houses, it's a total mess," said 61-year-old Fadhila Dawoud, a teacher who used to take her students on picnics along the banks of the Tigris. Now they hold picnics in the school courtyard.
That could change if the mayor has his way, and if the government comes through with promised funds. Work has already started in some areas, where residents are rebuilding homes and shops.
Once dubbed the "City of Peace," Baghdad was founded in the eighth century by Caliph Abu Jafar al-Mansur as the capital for his rising Muslim Abbasid empire. The city soon became the heart of medieval Muslim civilization — a mecca of arts, culture and architecture.
Forming half-circles on the two sides of the Tigris, its suburbs, parks, gardens, mosques and marble mansions earned it the reputation as the richest and most beautiful city in the world.
posted by Jessica at 5:29 PM | Permalink |
I'm so proud to be from Texas
LINDALE - Board by board, shingle by shingle, for nearly three months, they dismantled the three-bedroom brick house and carted it away until only a pile of rubble was left.

Their only problem: they didn't own it.
Authorities say two men jailed this week took the house apart and sold it for drugs, in plain view of everyone cruising by on Lindale's Main Street - U.S. Highway 69.
"We drove by and watched the house come down," said Smith County Constable Dennis Taylor. "We wondered why it was taking so long, rather than just bulldoze it. It took about a month before the top even collapsed."

Taylor estimated about 90 percent of the house was found at Vega's residence. The brick and shingles are still unaccounted for.

"It's the strangest case I've ever worked in my life," Taylor said. "Everybody drove by and waved at them, said, 'Great to see you getting that house off - we're fixing to get Lowe's and Wal-Mart in here.'"
posted by Jessica at 5:20 PM | Permalink |
that'll teach 'em
Gabriel Keys (foreground) is arrested by police officers for trespassing in Pinellas Park, Florida, March 23, 2005. The young protester attempted to take a glass of water into the Woodside Hospice for the brain-damaged Terri Schiavo. A federal judge rejected a request from the parents of Schiavo to order her feeding tube reinserted, dealing a blow to attempts by the U.S. Congress and the White House to prolong her life. REUTERS/Carlos Barria
posted by Jessica at 5:15 PM | Permalink |
Tuesday, March 22
Forgive them for they know what they do
by Judi McLeod
Tuesday, March 22, 2005

It was about this time of year some 2,000 years ago when a man suffering unspeakable agony on a wooden cross cried out, "Lord, forgive them for they know not what they do."
One of the main characters in the real-life drama of The Passion walked around in robes. His name was Pontius Pilate.

The calendar moves ahead to Holy Week, 2005.
One of the main characters in a modern-day drama being played out before the eyes of the world walks about in the raiment of robes. His name is Judge George Greer, and his ruling sentenced Terri Schiavo to a painful death.

Unless you write for the New York Times, thirsting for water is painful.

When the Son of God asked for water on the day they crucified him, they offered him vinegar.
Sorrow of the masses was never made manifest when The Passion was played out, only craven human fear when somehow the world was plunged into darkness between 12 noon and 3 p.m.
Terry Schiavo is forbidden a cup of water, a drop of water or even the temporary relief of an ice cube.
Loving parents who fought the good fight for 15 years cannot even pass an ice cube over the parched lips of their beloved "little girl".
Body-searched like bandits, they can bring no human comfort to Terri’s room.
In their heart-wrenching desperation, even animals in the wild bring water to a dying young, science would call "lost causes".
While Michael Schiavo and supporters emphasize how she will never be cogent again, Terri is "brain-damaged". To that kind of perverse thinking, a cogent person is worthy of a drop of water; a brain-damaged one is not.
As National Post letter writer Bill Wylie, of Mississauga so aptly put it: "Terri Schiavo is not dying."
"Her situation," he writes "has nothing to do with a living will or the right to die with dignity. It has to do with a brain-damaged person whose rights to live has been left in the hands of a husband who has deserted her and denied her any therapy or rehabilitation for the past 12 years."
Human society will give water to quench the thirst of mass murderers. Even `Dead Men Walking’ are fed whatever they fancy before going on to meet their makers via the electric chair.
Terri Schiavo’s only crime is that she was made vulnerable. Having collapsed under the most mysterious of circumstances, she was rendered brain-damaged.
Tragically, the life and times of Terri Schiavo is taking place during a time when the milk of human kindness has long since run out.
In America, the Democrats dried out the river of MHK, and in other corners of the globe MHK was run dry by hypocritical, justify-any-crime- Liberals.
In Holy Week 2005, the clarion cry has become: "Lord forgive them for they know what they do."
posted by Jessica at 6:26 PM | Permalink |
Give me a freaking break.

Me and the Easter Bunny way back in the '80's, before he was killed by political correctness.

Posted by Hello'Easter' Bunny Gives Way To 'Spring' Bunny
Some Local Malls Go P.C. For Religious Holiday
Customers at local area malls are being taken by surprised to find that the Easter Bunny they've come to know and love now has a new name.

In fact, some local malls now refer to the Easter icon as the "Spring Bunny."
However, some customers don't like the new trend.

"It makes me sad, because I think Easter is really important. The message is important," Plano mother Deidra Klemm said. "And I think it's wrong to call him the Spring Bunny. Let's just say what he really is."
Klemm is not alone. Another unidentified mother said, "The Easter Bunny is the Easter Bunny. There's no getting around it."
Some popular malls that have adopted the new trend include The Shops at Willow Bend in Plano and the Stonebriar Centre in Frisco.
posted by Jessica at 5:55 PM | Permalink |
My utter disgust for liberalism has reached an all-time high.

Posted by Hello"I support Michael Schiavo"

I don't even know what to say about this. Despicable. Just despicable.
posted by Jessica at 3:25 PM | Permalink |
Monday, March 21
I love the smell of hypocrisy in the afternoon.

Posted by HelloCelebs draw line in sand over public beach access in Malibu

MALIBU, Calif. - Just off the Pacific Coast Highway, where the Santa Monica Mountains tower over the ocean, some of Hollywood's biggest stars have settled into a slice of heaven.
Steven Spielberg. Danny DeVito. Goldie Hawn. Over the years, they have joined the lucky few who call Broad Beach home.
Their front yards open onto a mile-long, sandy stretch of California coastline. They spent millions to get here, and they'd like to be left alone.

The celebrities aren't eager to talk about the beach battle. But many Malibu residents support their Broad Beach neighbors and complain that the public doesn't respect the beach.
"They treat this like a huge garbage dump," said Ron Lawrence, a retired doctor out for a morning walk along Broad Beach. "I've seen people defecate on the beaches. They wouldn't tolerate it in the city."
posted by Jessica at 2:13 PM | Permalink |
What are we doing?
by Me

There is one silver lining to the Terri Schiavo case, regardless of the outcome. It has pretty much assured that the next whacked-out liberal who bemoans the death of any animal can be smacked upside the head in the name of utter hypocrisy. I hope that someone in the Democratic Party knows what they’re doing, because this “we support the killing of innocents, just not the killing of convicted murderers” schtick is getting real old, real fast.
Where the hell is NOW? Hmm?? You’d think they’d be salivating over a story like this. Saving one of their poor, defenseless sisters from the hands of evil and powerful men who want her dead. Oh, wait. It’s a liberal organization. I forgot. Let the bitch die. If only her mom had aborted her when she had the chance, none of us would be bothered with this crap. They have better causes to fight. Like getting papers to hire more (liberal, and only liberal) female columnists.
The entire case hinges upon the word of Michael Schiavo. I may not be the most trusting person by nature, but I sure as hell wasn’t born yesterday. Regardless of whether or not Terri told him she would not like to be kept alive like this, it’s pretty damn obvious to anyone who wasn’t an O.J. Simpson juror that Michael really wants her dead so he can really get her money. Normally this level of persistent desperation to have someone die is reserved for people in line to the throne and participants in the witness protection program. And now, apparently, for Terri Schiavo. If only Scott Peterson had put Laci into a coma first, he could be doing lunch with Robert Blake as we speak. But I digress. Let us strip away all political overtones and focus on exactly what has been happening in Florida since 1990.
Michael Schiavo’s wife is lying brain-dead in a hospice under murky circumstances. After the first seven years, the guy just so happens to remember a chat he had with his wife that went something like, “Yeah, sweetie, if I’m ever lying brain-dead in a hospice under murky circumstances, I totally want you to starve me to death. Ok? Ok.” In a totally unrelated matter I’m sure, the guy has hooked up with another woman and had two children with her. Rather than obtaining a divorce from his brain-dead wife, he instead allows his “new” family to be comprised of what is essentially an adulteress and two bastard children. Why, you may ask? Gee, I don’t know. Maybe if the brain-dead first wife were dirt poor, none of this would be an issue. As it stands, he’ll get a pretty penny when she dies. All that’s standing between this man and a fat check and happy (legitimate) family is one brain-dead woman who just won’t die. What to do? I think the answer’s quite simple, really. You kill her. Duh.
You start by refusing her any sort of medical testing or treatment that could potentially improve her condition. Then you forcibly stop her nurses from feeding her Jell-O, because it makes her look a little too much like a human being. Then you miraculously recall the time she told you that you could totally kill her if you wanted to. All you’ve got to do from that point is find a liberal judge who needs a career-making case before him to make a stand against all those evil right-to-lifers. Voila! Now all you’ve got to do is wait while a woman you once pledged to love, honor, and cherish for all eternity dies an excruciating, protracted death by dehydration. Oh, and you’ll have to explain all this to your kids one day, but you’ll figure that part out later, maybe after you’ve bought them a pony. (You can suggest they name it Terri in memorium)
If any of the above commentary makes you feel nervous, queasy, and/or enraged, then welcome to humanity. There are a lot more babies here, and quite a few less killers, but we hope you like it. Hopefully Judge Whittemore will as well.
posted by Jessica at 1:22 PM | Permalink |
I'm sure Maureen Dowd and Nancy Pelosi will be outraged by this of course.
PLAYGIRL editor-in-chief Michele Zipp has been stripped of her duties after she revealed how she voted Republican in the 2004 election. Zipp, in an e-mail, claims she was fired after an onslaught of liberal backlash. "Hello Drudge, "After your coverage of my article about coming out and voting Republican, I did receive many letters of support from fellow Republican voters, but it was not without repercussions. Criticism from the liberal left ensued. A few days after the onslaught of liberal backlash, I was released from my duties at Playgirl magazine. "After underlings expressed their disinterest of working for an outed Republican editor, I have a strong suspicion that my position was no longer valued by Playgirl executives. I also received a phone call from a leading official from Playgirl magazine, in which he stated with a laugh, "I wouldn't have hired you if I knew you were a Republican."I just wanted to let you know of the fear the liberal left has about a woman with power possessing Republican views."
posted by Jessica at 9:21 AM | Permalink |
Sunday, March 20
This makes me feel all safe and warm...
Dallas crime rate again tops among largest cities

DALLAS — The city's crime rate was the highest among nine U.S. cities, including Houston, with more than a million residents for the seventh consecutive year in 2004, according to police statistics.
The top ranking comes despite an overall four percent drop in the city's crime rate last year. But that fall was offset by even greater drops in the other eight cities whose statistics were compared.
Most of the crimes reported involved burglaries, auto break-ins of similar nonviolent property theft. But the city's murder rate crept up to No. 2 among the cities, with 20 murders per 100,000 residents, behind only Philadelphia, which reported 22 murders per 100,000 residents.

I'd make a joke about how driving on I-35 is murder, but that would be in poor taste.
posted by Jessica at 7:14 PM | Permalink |
And we all know how much the Democrats think of the brain-dead.
Spreading the message
"Keep it simple" is the key to the White House, failed Democratic presidential candidate Howard Dean told members of his party from around the world last night.
One major reason his party lost the 2004 race to the "brain-dead" Republicans is that it has a "tendency to explain every issue in half an hour of detail," Dean told the semi-annual meeting of Democrats Abroad, which brought about 150 members from Canada and 30 other countries to the Toronto for two days.
"I'm going to be very disciplined about how we deliver messages. We can have policy deliberations in rooms like this. On TV, we have to be very focused."
The Democrats, in fact, will try to copy the Republicans, who are masters at making their message stick, he said. "The Democrats will have three things, maybe four, that we're going to talk about."

Let me take a stab at what those talking points might be.
1. Though in the past we called him every adjective in the thesaurus under "stupid", we now believe that Bush is in fact an evil genius.
2. There is nothing wrong with social security.
3. We're pro-"choice," not pro-"abortion.
We are in no way quaking in our boots that we've elected this loon to chair our party.
posted by Jessica at 5:19 PM | Permalink |
Monday, March 14
You could knock me over with a feather..
Study: Press Went Easy on Kerry

A Columbia School of Journalism study released Monday found that the media took it easy on Sen. John Kerry throughout the 2004 presidential campaign, with coverage of President Bush coming out three times more negative.
posted by Jessica at 11:27 PM | Permalink |
Uh-oh, the conservative news media is at it again.
Under Bush, a New Age of Prepackaged TV News

This winter, Washington has been roiled by revelations that a handful of columnists wrote in support of administration policies without disclosing they had accepted payments from the government. But the administration's efforts to generate positive news coverage have been considerably more pervasive than previously known. At the same time, records and interviews suggest widespread complicity or negligence by television stations, given industry ethics standards that discourage the broadcast of prepackaged news segments from any outside group without revealing the source

and yet, when editors take hush money from Saddam to lie about how Baghdad= Mecca, that's just dandy.
posted by Jessica at 11:23 PM | Permalink |

How to write like conservatives
by Steven Ward
In honor of Ann Coulter's visit to Tufts last night, here are some helpful hints for all of you aspiring right-wing pundits out there. Follow these carefully, and soon you too could be a syndicated columnist dumbing down political discourse in the pages of America's newspapers.
First, you have to choose what type of article you would like to write. While there are many types of conservative opinion pieces, three common categories are the following:
1. The Michelle Malkin Rantathon. First, choose an aspect of popular culture that you find offensive. This can be anything from Janet Jackson's breast to "Desperate Housewives" to low-cut jeans. Label it un-American, and claim it is a symptom of the downfall of society. Then completely ignore the fact that popular culture is created by market forces and that most large media and entertainment corporations are owned by conservatives and contribute heavily to the Republican Party. Now you are free to blame popular culture, and by extension, the downfall of society, on liberals.
2. The Ann Coulter Two-Step. Step 1. Choose a topic. Step 2. Write whatever crazy thing pops into your head as long as it is demonstrably false.
3. The Generic Conservative Student Opinion Article. Anyone who reads the Daily is familiar with these. The process begins with intense viewing of President Bush speaking. The writer must fully open his mind and allow the President's rhetoric to overcome his sense of reason. When the writer can take no more (allow plenty of time, this may take a while), he must quickly get out a piece of paper and regurgitate as much of what he has taken in as possible. The end product should include many uses of phrases such as "freedom is on the march," "ownership society," "culture of life," "compassionate conservatism" and, perhaps, "don't mess with Texas." Remember to read your work, carefully checking to make sure that no well-constructed and empirically supported argument has hidden itself amidst your beds of flowery rhetorical nothingness.
Now that you are well on your way to becoming a right-wing pundit, here are some additional tips. These can make all the difference in determining whether you turn into the next Bill O'Reilly or become the Alan Keyes of the media world.
Get your history book. Throw it out the window. Now, as an exercise in Academic Freedom, write your own history book. Do not include references to separation of church and state, deism, slavery, the Great Depression, McCarthyism, the Vietnam War, Watergate or the Clinton surplus. Include only one chapter on the 1990s and instead of writing it yourself, simply copy and paste the entire text of the Ken Starr Report.
Now get out your Bible. With your Sharpie, black out all the sections which do not specifically mention homosexuality. Now print the remaining passages on a three-by-five inch note card. This is your new Bible. Have it laminated.
Steven Ward is a junior majoring in international relations.

"Steven is a 21 year-old upper middle class white kid with no frame of reference beyond his wildly liberal college professors, who are also upper middle class and white. He enjoys pizza, beer, protests, and attempting to score with freshman chicks. Once he obtains his degree in international relations, he looks forward to leaving the United States for the first time."
posted by Jessica at 11:15 PM | Permalink |
Hostage reads 'Purpose-Driven Life' to alleged Atlanta killer

ATLANTA (BP)--Ashley Smith, the Atlanta-area woman taken hostage by the subject of the largest manhunt in Georgia history March 12, calmed the alleged killer by reading an excerpt from "The Purpose-Driven Life" and talking with him about God. She escaped by persuading him to let her pick up her daughter from an AWANA children's program at a Southern Baptist church."I asked him if I could read," Smith, 26, said in recounting the ordeal to reporters outside her attorney's office March 13. "He said, 'What do you want to read?'"'Well, I have a book in my room.' So I went and got it. I got my Bible, and I got a book called 'The Purpose-Driven Life.' I turned it to the chapter that I was on that day. It was chapter 33. And I started to read the first paragraph of it. After I read it, he said, 'Stop. Will you read it again?'"So I read it again to him," Smith said.
posted by Jessica at 11:12 PM | Permalink |
Well, racism and a $20 million salary...
Racism stops Will Smith from kissing Cameron Diaz

Will Smith claims he was forbidden from kissing Cameron Diaz on screen because of American racism.
The actor said Hollywood panders to the nation's problem of seeing a black man and white woman getting intimate and stopped the co-stars kissing in new movie 'Hitch'.
To avoid controversy, Smith says he smooched Latin beauty Eva Mendes instead. The 36-year-old 'Men in Black' star said: "How are you not going to consider Cameron Diaz?

But Hollywood is nervous about a black man kissing a white woman on screen. "That becomes massive news in the US. Outside America, it's no big deal. But in the US, it's still a racial issue.
Ironically, Hollywood is happy to do it if the film is about racism. But they won't simply do it and ignore it."

Sure Will, we're all racist. Maybe if you say it long enough it'll take attention away from the fact that your movie SUCKED.
posted by Jessica at 6:51 PM | Permalink |
Friday, March 11
Chihuahua adopts chick
A pet chihuahua dog has adopted a baby chick in China.

Huahua took charge of the chick as soon as owner Liu Bangyang's daughter brought it home.
She regards the chick as her baby and stands guard to make sure it comes to no harm, reports the Chongqing Morning News.
And, whenever the chick strays too far, Huahua picks it up gently in her mouth and puts it back in its cot.
Liu, from Guiyang city, Guizhou province, said: "We'll try our best to raise the little chicken, if that's what Huahua wants." (click link for picture)
posted by Jessica at 10:00 AM | Permalink |
Let's blame Western values for this.
'The girl who makes your ears ring'
Police in an Indian city are hunting a beautiful woman who slaps her male victims hard before running off with their valuables.
Her tactics have earned her the nickname of 'The girl who makes your ears ring' in Lucknow, reports the Hindustan Times.
Three men have reported being robbed by the woman - but others are said to be afraid to report her because of rumours that she's a policeman's daughter.
One man who did lodge a complaint was Brajesh Prajapati who was on his motorcycle when the girl flagged him down and offered to buy him dinner.
Falling for the bait, he gave her a lift to a local restaurant but as she got off the vehicle, the girl slapped him so hard he nearly fainted.
When he came to his senses, he realised the woman had disappeared - along with his wallet and motorbike.
Another man, Rahul Misra, was also stopped on the road by a girl who asked for change. As he fished out his purse, she dealt him a resounding slap, snatched his money and fled on a scooter.
posted by Jessica at 9:58 AM | Permalink |
I just-- there are no words.
Man with two penises loses wife
A German who persuaded doctors to give him a second penis has lost his wife after he showed her the result.
Biker Michael Gruber, 40, lost his original penis in a motorbike accident and doctors built him a second one using a mixture of skin, bone and other tissues from his own body.
The penis worked so well that he was even able to father a child with his wife Bianca, 25, and their son Etienne was born last year.
But Gruber was still not happy and asked doctors to repeat the operation and build him a better organ, to which they agreed.
However, before removing the first penis doctors said they needed to make sure the new tissue transplant was a success, and had to leave the first penis in place.
Dr Markus Kuentscher, a plastic surgeon at Berlin's Accident Hospital, said: "We left the old one attached until the new one is properly supplied with blood."
But when Gruber showed his wife his double penis, she went home, packed her bags and left.
From his hospital bed he said: "I've got two penises but no wife, but I am hoping when I get rid of one of the penises I will get her back."
posted by Jessica at 9:56 AM | Permalink |
More good things happening to good people.
George Clooney's latest Italian home has become the target of vandals and hooligans opposed to the movie star's plans to take control of picturesque Lake Como. Activists have broken windows and scrawled on walls at his Villa Margherita home in the northern Italian town of Laglio, after learning of Clooney's plans to buy a public beach on the shores of the famous lake and make it his own. According to show business magazine In Touch, Clooney recently bought the home as he begins developing the area around his first Lake Como mansion. And locals are annoyed with his plans to take over properties and beaches and turn it into his own private spread. Local Laglio councilor Roberto Pozzi, who wasn't one of the vandals, says, "Our group will oppose any concession or occupation of public spaces. It is one of the few openings to the water, and it's used by residents."

Yes, but Roberto, you don't understand. Clooney is a compassionate liberal who cares soooo much about the common man. He probably just doesn't want you plebians polluting the precious natural resources of this pristine environment. You know, kind of like the senators from Massachusetts and Martha's Vineyard. It's in your best interest, Roberto. Sucks you're too stupido to realize it. By the way, the next time Clooney opens his mouth about how obnoxious Americans are to Europeans, kick him in the shins for me. And then steal back my seven bucks for Ocean's 12. I'll beat my two hours back out of Matt Damon.
posted by Jessica at 9:49 AM | Permalink |
Animal activists made diners at Jennifer Lopez's Pasadena, California, restaurant a little uneasy today as they showed them images of animals skinned alive over lunch. People For The Ethical Treatment Of Animals (ETA) followers took their fur protests against Lopez to a new level by protesting outside Madre's. They also paraded large posters of Lopez with the words "Fur Hag" attached and placards featuring images of orphaned animals and the caption "J.Lo: These Babies Miss Their Mother - Is She on Your Back?" as diners tried to eat lunch. The activism was part of an ongoing campaign to shame Lopez for "promoting and profiting from the bloody fur industry". Activists with body-screen TVs also used the Madre's protest to air the west coast debut of the first-ever video footage of fur farms in China, shot during a year-long undercover investigation. The protest comes on the heels of the February debut of Lopez's fur-laden Sweetface fashion collection, which has been panned by critics and animal rights activists alike. A PETA spokesman says, "Lopez continues to pimp for the fur industry despite the fact that PETA has contacted her no less than a dozen times, pleading with her to stop supporting the horrific abuse of animals killed for their fur." PETA have just launched an anti-J.Lo website JLodown.Com, which urges the star to stop wearing fur.

Finally a cause me and these nutburgers can both get behind- anti-J.Lo websites. Of course, I see it more as a fashion crime than a crime against animals, but that's beside the point.
posted by Jessica at 9:45 AM | Permalink |
Thursday, March 10
Ah, those peace-lovin' liberals
Bumper sticker evokes road rage

TAMPA - Politics has always been divisive, splitting families and turning friend against friend.
This week, though, a Tampa woman learned that simple Bush-Cheney bumper sticker can bring trouble, if not danger, from a total stranger.
Police say Michelle Fernandez, 35, was chased for miles Tuesday by an irate 31-year-old Tampa man who cursed at her as he held up an anti-Bush sign and tried to run her off the road.
His sign, about the size of a business letter, read:
Never Forget Bush's Illegal Oil War Murdered Thousands in Iraq.
"I guess this was a disgruntled Democrat," Tampa Police spokesman Joe Durkin said. "Maybe he has that sign with him so he's prepared any time he comes up against a Republican."

I like best that he wasn't against using that ILLEGAL OIL to chase a helpless woman.
posted by Jessica at 8:47 PM | Permalink |
But was it premeditated?
Cat Shoots Owner

BATES TOWNSHIP, Mich. (AP) - A man cooking in his kitchen was shot after one of his cats knocked his 9mm handgun onto the floor, discharging the weapon, Michigan State Police said.
Joseph Stanton, 29, of Bates Township in Iron County, was shot in his lower torso around 6 p.m. Tuesday, the state police post in Iron River reported. He was transported to Iron County Community Hospital.
Michelle Sand, a spokeswoman at the Iron River hospital, said Stanton was treated there before being transferred to Marquette General Hospital for further treatment. But Marcie Miller, a representative of the Marquette facility, said there was no record of the hospital receiving a patient by that name.
A telephone message seeking comment was left Wednesday at Stanton's home.
State police said he was cooking at his stove when the cat knocked the loaded gun off the kitchen counter behind him.
posted by Jessica at 11:30 AM | Permalink |
You almost have to give her an A for Effort.
Hillary: Too Much Sex on TV
New York Sen. Hillary Clinton, whose husband's affair with a 23-year-old intern prompted saturation news coverage for a year, complained on Wednesday that children were exposed to too much sex in the media.Calling the proliferation of adult entertainment "a silent epidemic," the top Democrat said, "Just a decade ago, we made great strides to keep children away from inappropriate material."
In 1994, Clinton noted, she and her husband hosted the Children's Television Summit at the White House and worked for passage of the Children's Television Act, which led to the implementation of the V-Chip in every new television over 13 inches.
It was also the year Mr. Clinton was sued for sexual harassment by Arkansas state worker Paula Jones - which led to the discovery that he was using the Oval Office for sexual trysts.
Soon the evening news was saturated with reports chock full of R-rated material, forcing parents to deal with uncomfortable questions from children as young as five-years-old.
Surveys now credit Sen. Clinton's husband with making oral sex an acceptable practice among the impressionable teenage population.
Still, in her remarks on Wednesday, the top Democrat made no mention of her husband's role in desensitizing an entire generation to sexual topics that were previously taboo.
posted by Jessica at 11:23 AM | Permalink |
Those wacky feminists are at it again.
Gender bias in IKEA instructions?

OSLO, Norway (Reuters) - Swedish home furnishings giant IKEA is guilty of sex discrimination by showing only men putting together furniture in its instruction manuals, Norway's prime minister says.
IKEA, which has more than 200 stores in 32 nations, fears it might offend Muslims by depicting women assembling everything from cupboards to beds. Its manuals show only men or cartoon figures whose sex is unclear.
"This isn't good enough," Prime Minister Kjell Magne Bondevik was quoted Thursday as telling the daily Verdens Gang. "It's important to promote attitudes for sexual equality, not least in Muslim nations."

Ironically, I once spent half a day trying to GET a man to put together IKEA furniture for me. Oh well, different strokes
posted by Jessica at 11:17 AM | Permalink |
Monday, March 7
Go, Chuck, go.
March 7, 2005 -- SEN. Chuck Schumer made a not-so-subtle dig against his colleague Sen. Hillary Clinton Friday at a town hall-type meeting at Pace University on the subject of Social Security. Pace President David Caputo introduced Sens. Harry Reid, Frank Lautenberg, Richard Durbin, and John Kerry — and noted the Pace stage had been used last year for a debate between all the Democratic presidential candidates. "In fact, one of them became the Democratic nominee," Caputo said. "Perhaps one of the senators on this stage today will become the Democratic presidential nominee in 2008." Though Caputo was clearly referring to Hillary, Schumer made a pronounced gesture pointing at Kerry, who looked embarrassed. Hillary looked straight ahead.
posted by Jessica at 3:04 PM | Permalink |
Next he'll be teaching them how to vote.
Crack-smoking professor teaches monkeys how to smoke

Earlier in the trial(Robert Blake), a professor from the University of California, Los Angeles, testified as an expert witness about the psychotropic effects of cocaine. He said that he had smoked crack cocaine himself and sat in a cage with monkeys to teach them how to smoke cocaine as well...
posted by Jessica at 3:00 PM | Permalink |
Next he'll be teaching them how to vote.
Crack-smoking professor teaches monkeys how to smoke

Earlier in the trial(Robert Blake), a professor from the University of California, Los Angeles, testified as an expert witness about the psychotropic effects of cocaine. He said that he had smoked crack cocaine himself and sat in a cage with monkeys to teach them how to smoke cocaine as well...
posted by Jessica at 3:00 PM | Permalink |
Sunday, March 6
This is great

Dunces in The White House
By Pat Sajak

So now we find ourselves with democratic elections in Afghanistan and Iraq; Syria announcing a pullout from Lebanon with elections to follow; small, but unprecedented, steps toward real elections in Egypt and Saudi Arabia; and perhaps the best shot ever at a lasting peace between Israel and the Palestinians. Naturally, we are now being told that all of this could fall apart and, even if it doesn’t, these were things that were bound to happen anyway. It must be extraordinarily maddening to be so smart and to watch helplessly as epochal events occur during or right after the watches of dunces and idiots, and to see these people given credit by some for these events. To make matters worse, when the really smart people are in power (Carter, Clinton), international events seem to conspire against them.
posted by Jessica at 4:41 PM | Permalink |
Saturday, March 5
Rebels with a Cause
Doug Giles

Therefore, the ideological make-up of the 21st century young rebel in the classroom, who would be conducting the sit-ins, organizing the fasts and the peaceful protests, who would be fighting against convention and the cogs of the system, would be a young person who:
1. is pro-traditional family, 2. is pro-abstinence ‘til married, 3. is pro-heterosexuality and who thinks it is okay to not think it’s okay to be gay, 4. is opposed to anti-intellectualism, 5. doesn’t get so fat that he could hide small toys between his blubber, 6. is for protecting the life of the unborn, 7. owns a gun, loves to shoot and hunts animals, 8. is pro-God, goes to worship service every week and studies the Bible no matter what his “friends” say,9. believes that faith has a space in the market place, 1o. supports the War on Terror, 11. thinks that Iraq and Afghanistan are better off than ever before,12. thinks America is a fundamentally good nation,13. believes moral relativism is an immoral croc which has gotten us into societal deep weeds.14. doesn’t do drugs or abuse alcohol but rather gets high on life.
Young person: if this is what you believe and live, and if you dare to speak and defend this in the classroom and if you have the nerve to bring this up while at a party, then you, my friend, are A REBEL. This is what today’s young high school- and college-Rosa-Park-radicals will look like. They will be conservative, God-honoring students who will be society’s new shockers.
My ClashPoint is this: most young people today are the offspring of failed rebels of the 60’s. Young people having had their forehead split open by the blunt end of the parental pool cue of liberal life choices have seen first hand the folly of appalling politics, ghastly economics, shocking sociology and dreadful life style choices. The only recourse the children of failed liberalism, secularism and atheism have is to revolt into conservativism and theism.
As one man said, there comes a time when “the machine has become so odious . . . that you can’t take part . . . you can’t even passively take part, and you have got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels and the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you have got to make it stop. And you have got to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it, that unless you’re free, the machine will be prevented from running at all.” Seeing how lunatic anti-American liberalism has high jacked the media and the especially the majority of our classrooms, the time has come for the rebels to emerge.
This new, conservative, young righteous rebel who is unowned, unmanipulated, unbowed, undomesticated, unapologetic and unashamed will challenge those who wish to keep people as obedient robots of the radical Left. They will be the ones who free people from liberal propagandists manipulating them into thoughts they don’t think, and ideologists converting them to ideas they don’t believe. And who knows . . . they just might be the ones who start a massive revolution that saves this great nation.
posted by Jessica at 8:59 PM | Permalink |
Limbaugh's Undeniable Truth #24:Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women access to the mainstream of society.
Taming of the Shrews
by Maureen Dowd

Arabs put their women in veils. We put ours in the stocks.
Every culture has its own way of tamping down female power, be it sexual, political or financial. Americans like to see women who wear the pants be beaten up and humiliated. Afterward, in a gratifying redemption ritual, people like to see the battered women be rewarded.
That's how Hilary Swank won two Oscars. That's how Hillary Clinton won a Senate seat and a presidential front-runner spot. And that's how Martha Stewart won her own reality TV show and became a half-billion dollars richer while she was in prison.
We've come a long way, baby, from the era of witch trials, when women with special power who knew how to curse were burned at the stake. Now, after a public comeuppance, they are staked to a lucrative new career. In this century, the scarlet letter morphs into a dollar sign.
Maybe temperamental, power-mad divas always needed to be brought down a peg. They used to do it to themselves. Judy Garland and Marilyn Monroe were gorgeous monsters, but were so self-destructive there was no need to punish them further.
But Hillary and Martha - the domestic diva with the new ankle bracelet echoed Judy Garland on her Web site yesterday that "there is no place like home" - are not self-destructive.
They are brass-knuckled survivors who elicit both admiration and an enmity that Alessandra Stanley memorably dubbed "blondenfreude."
From pornography to "Desperate Housewives," women being degraded has an entertainment value far greater than men being degraded. People liked Hillary and Martha a lot more once they were "broken," like one of Martha's saddle horses, ice queens melted into puddles of vulnerability.
Maybe it's because both women sometimes overreached, treated the help badly and displayed an unseemly greedy streak. Maybe it's because a dichotomy about their roles made them seem disingenuous: they gained renown for traditional feminine roles, and apron-and-hearth books, assuming guises to achieve male power and taking a route to the mahogany epicenter through the kitchen.
Hillary was America's first lady, photographed smiling in her designer dress as she oversaw table settings and placement for state dinners, even though we knew she did not care about such domestic piffle and was instead maneuvering to take over huge chunks of domestic policy.
Martha was America's first lady of gold-leaf designer lifestyle nesting, even though we knew that her über-nest was so scary that her husband had flown the coop. Though she was the ultimate professional homemaker and nurturer, she left her daughter out of the litany of things - cats, canaries, horses, chickens and dogs - she would miss in jail.
Obviously, many men are uncomfortable with successful women, so when these women are brushed back, alpha men can take comfort in knowing that alphettes are not threateningly all-powerful and that they had better soften those sharp edges.
I learned covering Geraldine Ferraro's vice presidential bid that the reaction of women to extraordinarily successful women is also ambivalent, with as much hostility as sisterly pride. An Icarus crash can mitigate the jealousy, while intensifying the feminist attachment.
After her husband's philandering with Monica, Hillary played the victim card all the way to the Senate. After her own bad judgment about her stocks, Martha metamorphosed from jailbird to phoenix.
Why don't we need to see Oprah, another titan known by her first name, slapped back? Probably because Oprah never had an icy or phony side to her public persona and because her struggles in her childhood and with her weight take the edge off any animus that might be leveled at her for a net worth of $1.3 billion.
And what about Condi, who's now being touted for the Republican ticket in 2008? Perhaps she does not need to play the victim to make people feel better about her power because she was never seen as a termagant, pushing people around and bending them to her will. She always seemed subservient to President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney, a willing handmaiden and spokesman for their bellicose bidding.
One Democratic image maker admiringly predicts that, having survived their virago and victim phases, our two most relentless blondes will outlast everyone: "When the world ends, there will be left only a few cockroaches, Cher, Hillary and Martha."

posted by Jessica at 7:53 PM | Permalink |
Why oh why isn't there video of this?
This morning, as (Vogue editor) Anna Wintour was entering the Chanel show, minding her own business, she had a pie thrown in her face.

That is for the little animals,” cried the smartly dressed blonde as she slapped the paper plate and pie in Wintour’s face.

I toast anything that's to the embarassment of rich, anorexia-promoting fashionistas and nutball animal-rights activists. Hey, there's a reality show for you.
posted by Jessica at 2:33 PM | Permalink |
According to the Toronto Star, that Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy is heating up again.
Make no mistake: Both sides, left and right, of the debate are angry. The paradox is, the one that's winning, the one with control of the government, the judiciary and most of the corporate world, including the media, is the side that plays the injured party, as if the left has its Birkenstocks on the right's collective throat.
Which is why, during the U.S. presidential campaign, we saw supporters of Vermont governor Howard Dean dismissed as a "tax-hiking, government-expanding, latte-drinking, sushi-eating, Volvo-driving, New York Times-reading, body-piercing, Hollywood-loving, left-wing freak show."
In short, the "liberal elite."
It's also why Democratic candidate John Kerry was derided as "the second most liberal senator after Ted Kennedy."
Never mind that liberals fought for social security, civil rights, reproductive freedom, environmental protection, child labour legislation and the G.I. bill. Thanks to the right, its media mouthpieces, and a lack of cohesion on the left, knowledge of liberalism's benefits has slipped down the memory hole.

"Conservatives push the idea of a liberal bias in media, academia and Hollywood," he says. "This keeps the focus on areas of real or apparent liberal strength, without acknowledging conservative or pro-corporate influence in major social institutions."

"The conservatives support their intellectuals," he admonishes. "They have media studios down the hall in institutes so that getting on television is easy. Eighty per cent of the talking heads on television are from the conservative think tanks. Eighty percent." If by "television" they mean "Fox News" and "The 700 Club," then yeah, I'll buy those numbers. Otherwise, hahahahahaha. hah.

How do you argue with lunatics? I love any editorial that talks about mean name-calling Republicans, and then calls Ann Coulter a banshee without a hint of irony. I wish there was a Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy, but there isn't. That would involve a level of introspection and cleverness that liberals are incapable of possessing. If these people have their way, they won't have to worry about our influence on major social institutions, because there won't be any left. There will, however, be lots and lots of "reproductive freedom."
posted by Jessica at 2:12 PM | Permalink |
Friday, March 4
Sliding further and further into irrelevancy...
Why the U.N. matters

The U.N. can be useful because it is seen as independent and impartial. If it ever came to be seen as a mere instrument or prolongation of U.S. foreign policy, it would be worthless to everyone, says Kofi Annan

If you have to explain the joke, it probably isn't funny. If you have to explain the necessity of your organization in Canadian newspapers, however- sheer hilarity.
posted by Jessica at 1:29 PM | Permalink |
Damn these people for making me be on the same side as Hillary.
The weekly New York Press - a handout that is best used to line birdcages - has finally found a way to attract attention:
Publish a tasteless cover story that ostensibly plays 84-year-old Pope John Paul's current medical ordeal for laughs.
The story - by Press contributing editor Matt Taibbi - is headlined: "The 52 Funniest Things About the Upcoming Death of the Pope."
But I didn't find it funny - just shockingly offensive.
A typical entry is No. 47: "Upon death, Pope's face frozen in sickening smile, eyes wide open and teeth exposed, like a baboon."
I wondered about the reasoning behind publishing such a nauseating piece, but New York Press editor in chief Jeff Koyen chose not to return my phone calls yesterday.
Lowdown's spot check of New Yorkers suggested that I'm not the only one who doesn't get Koyen and Taibbi's sense of humor:
Sen. Chuck Schumer: "This is the most disgusting thing I've seen in 30 years of public life."
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton: "Pope John Paul is one of the world's strongest forces for peace and understanding at a time when discord and rancor threaten every nation. It is outrageously offensive to make light of his physical suffering, which he has borne with such strength, dignity and grace."
A spokesman for Mayor Bloomberg: "As disgusting as this is, it's sadly par for the course for this publication."
Rep. Anthony Weiner: "All I can tell you is that this is outrageous and the New York Press is way overpriced. Everyone has a right to free speech, but I hope New Yorkers exercise their right to take as many of these rags as they can and put them in the trash."
Former Bronx Borough President Freddy Ferrer: "It's juvenile and not funny. For a lot of New Yorkers, the Pope embodies beliefs that are important to us, and we all wish him a speedy recovery."
Anti-Defamation League President Abraham Foxman: "It crosses the line of decency. This is a man who has devoted his life to love and compassion and reconciliation. To treat him in such gross manner is so ugly."
Polish-American Congress official Frank Milewski: "I would say it's hate speech - a most extreme example of hate speech."
posted by Jessica at 1:23 PM | Permalink |
The cheese has slipped off the cracker.
Dan Rather made clear on Thursday's Late Show with David Letterman that he thinks the George Bush National Guard memos are authentic and is still smarting over the appointment of Nixonite Richard Thornburgh to head the investigatory panel. Rather predicted that "given a little more time, perhaps we could have" authenticated the memos, downgraded the potential impact of his story as he maintained that "George Bush was destined to be re-elected pretty much whatever happened in August and September," described Thornburgh as someone who "was in the Nixon administration, says the Bushes are good friends of his, both President one and two Bush," crowed about how the panel found the story "was not motivated by political bias, and they said that, although they had four months and millions of dollars, they could not demonstrate that the documents were not authentic," resurrected his charge that those who attacked CBS over the story had "their own political motivations and agendas" and contended how, unlike in the Jayson Blair case at the New York Times, at CBS News "nobody lied."

Please feel free to peruse the entire transcript, because you just can't summarize that kind of crazy.
posted by Jessica at 1:17 PM | Permalink |
Thursday, March 3
Prepping the masses
Geena Davis has signed on to star in ABC's White House drama pilot Commander-in-Chief. From writer/director Rod Lurie, the project centers on the first female U.S. president. The two-hour pilot marks Davis' return to TV, after her failed attempt at a sitcom, in 2000's The Geena Davis Show, also on ABC.

Ten dollars says the character's name as written on the script right now is Hillary. That will have to change, of course. We wouldn't want the public to think we were creating a tv show just to do PR for Clinton '08. While the first female President (Democratic) of course, is played by the lovely Geena Davis, casting will soon begin to fill the roles of her Republican foils. There will be a casting call at a federal penitentiary near you. Wanted: greasy, balding, white males with that special "psycho killer" charm. As Ann Coulter said, Hollywood is the only place liberals can make themselves attractive.
posted by Jessica at 2:16 PM | Permalink |
Wednesday, March 2
I hope none of my relatives were involved in this.
OCEAN SPRINGS - A D'Iberville man out of jail on a $10,000 bond is accused of using his camcorder to take pictures of a customer in an adjacent tanning room at Sunkissed Tanning Salon.
Police said Jimmy Shofner, 39, was charged with felonious photographing without permission after the customer he was trying to photograph saw the camcorder moving around and reported it to salon and police.
Shofner told police he simple wanted "to see a naked lady." But that didn't work out for Shofner, police said, because the customer in the adjacent tanning salon was a man instead of a woman.
posted by Jessica at 12:58 PM | Permalink |
You go, girl.
War of the words: Think what you will of her political views, but columnist Ann Coulter certainly has a gift for writing provocatively titled (and best-selling) books. To wit: "Treason: Liberal Treachery From the Cold War to the War on Terrorism" and "Slander: Liberal Lies About the American Right." Trying to one-up her, a campus-centered offshoot of the Center for American Progress sponsored a "Name Ann Coulter's Next Book" contest and released the results yesterday.
The winner: "Roosevelt: Wheelchair-Riding, America-Hating Terrorist," submitted by Ryan Sniatecki, 26, of Baltimore. "Sniatecki will take home his very own Ann Coulter talking action figure," announced, a new Web site set up by the left-leaning Washington think tank.

About 150 people entered the contest. Among the honorable mentions:
"Help: I'm Out of Liberal People, Places and Organizations to Hate."
"Pander: How Character Assassination and Name-Calling Will Make You Popular and Rich."
"Democracy: The Liberal Plot to Feed Your Children to the Poor."
"Ann: Doesn't Eat, Shoots, and Never Leaves." (That's a reference to Coulter's thin physique.)

Coulter offered a characteristically cutting response. "Well, at least now they're trying to be funny, a welcome change from all the vomiting and fainting after the election season," she told us by e-mail.
Then the author blasted back a list of potential titles for her next tome:
"Tuesdays With Morons."
"The Five People You Meet in Line at the Welfare Office."
"It Takes a Village to Raise a Kid With A.D.H.D., Rage Issues, and an Eating Disorder."
"Their Eyes Were Watching God and Banning Him From Public Schools."
"The Dan Rather Code."
"He's Just Not That Into Jews: The George Soros Story."
posted by Jessica at 12:26 PM | Permalink |
You just gotta wonder if his nose will literally start to grow soon.
Dean says Democrats 'not going to concede the South'

JACKSON, Miss. - Praying for American troops and evoking biblical images of helping the needy, Howard Dean told Mississippi Democrats on Tuesday night that the national party won't give up on socially conservative states.

VERY key quote: "I want to reach out to people who are worried about values," Dean said. "We are going to embrace pro-life Democrats because pro-life Democrats care about kids after they're born, not just before they're born."
posted by Jessica at 12:17 PM | Permalink |
Tuesday, March 1
Things you really don't hear every day.
Woman Jailed For Stealing Body, Beer From Boyfriend's Grave

SHEBOYGAN, Wis. -- A woman accused of digging up and taking her boyfriend's cremated remains more than a decade ago -- and drinking the beer that was buried with them -- was sentenced to 60 days in jail.
posted by Jessica at 4:57 PM | Permalink |
And you thought YOUR mom made you feel guilty.
Would-be granny advertises for grandson
A Chinese woman has advertised in a local newspaper to recruit a grandson, since her own son was unwilling to have a child.
Liu Lan, 64, from Chengdu, Sichuan province, had intense arguments with her son, who married 11 years ago and does not want to have a child.
Liu said: "I am rich enough to support myself, but I want a grandson who I can take care of."
Liu's ad said: "I would love to recruit a three person family who have a little child as my relatives. After six months, if they are qualified, I would allow them to live with me. Then I can enjoy being a real granny."
She has had a number of replies to her ad.
posted by Jessica at 4:49 PM | Permalink |
Awards that should've beeen handed out:
Stupidest Celebrity Trend:
"I'm an environmentalist for life." - Leonardo DiCaprio, who arrived at the Oscars in a "fuel-efficient vehicle" rather than the traditional limo
Who then proceeded to hotbox the entire Hollywood Hills at an after party he threw with agent Patrick Whitesell. B.Y.O. Weed.

Least likely to ever write a Best Original Screenplay:

Hilary Swank "I'm just a girl from a trailer park who had a dream."

Most Desperate Housewife:

"I wanted to introduce each of the foreign language films in the appropriate language ... but unfortunately there just isn't time." - Gwyneth Paltrow

Proof positive that Gwyneth is incapable of speaking for longer than three seconds without saying something snotty, elitist, and thoroughly stupid. Let’s skip the fact that she had zero reason to be there other than to scoop up her Oscar basket , show off her maternity boobs, and start rumors of a breakup with hubby Chris Martin. (For every week Paltrow stays out of the tabloids, she gets a new wrinkle) “Look at me! Look at me! I’m still here! Worship me!!”

Most Shameless Display by a Mediocre Former Best Actress Winner:

Julia Roberts! Not content with her humiliating attempt to smother Denzel Washington when she presented him with his Best Actor Oscar, Roberts attempts to top herself by marking Best Director winner Clint Eastwood with her Taboo Red lipstick.

Saddest Attempt at Humor By Former SNL Cast Members:

Chris Rock “fills in” for “no-show” Catherine Zeta-Jones with Adam Sandler.

Worst Way to Keep Production Costs Down:

Hiring Beyonce to perform three of the five Best Song nominees. Worse still? It meant Jay-Z having a front-row seat at the Oscars.

Best Use of a Trashbag as Couture:

Natalie Portman

Best Performance by a Non-Nominee:

Sean Penn giving Chris Rock the smackdown for making fun of Jude Law earlier in the program. Awkward, show-stopping, and fabulous.
posted by Jessica at 12:03 AM | Permalink |