Okay, so I buy my People's Sexiest Man Alive issue, because I admit, as long as I don't have to hear their views on free trade agreements, I like ogling pretty male celebrities.
I'm happily flipping through the issue when I come across the section "Maureen Dowd: Why We Love Smart Men." No, you didn't read that wrong. It wasn't "Why Smart Men Don't Love Maureen Dowd," which would have far more basis in reality. Oh, no. The author(ess) of "Are Men Necessary" found it necessary to tell me why Anderson Friggin' Cooper and Patrick "Father Fitzmas" Fitzgerald are sexy. Note to MoDo: Cut the pandering. They're not. Although one does wonder if her being attracted to gay men has something to do with the fact that she's single. Nah, who am I kidding? There are plenty of other reasons. Not withstanding the fact that all of the "smart" men on her sexy list are insanely (some clinically so) liberal, why is Maureen Dowd writing for People Magazine in the first place? Reason #535 I don't read The Paper of Record is so I won't be subjected to her simultaneous menopausal gender-baiting and junior high-harpy rantings. Don't make me have to avoid her in my trash magazines too.
Incidentally, Margaret Cho was there to write up "Why We Love Funny Men," but at least she's, I don't know, part of the entertainment industry.
Someday I will open up a crap magazine like People and see Ann Coulter's list of sexy men, or possibly Peggy Noonan's, and then I will go purchase more sweaters to see me through cold, cold reality of Hell having frozen over.
From:
About me: “'But I don’t want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked. 'Oh, you can’t help that,' said the Cat. 'We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.' 'How do you know I’m mad?' said Alice. 'You must be,” said the Cat, 'or you wouldn’t have come here.'” -Lewis Carroll