''How can 59,054,087 people be so DUMB?''
-UK Mirror
Answer? We don’t listen to our own sniveling, pseudo-intellectual "artistes," so why should we listen to you? Oh, wait. I forgot that Bush-hating is like totally cool, and you’re like totally one of the cool kids, see? You proved it. However, I think the country responsible for The Spice Girls and The Weakest Link should watch who it’s calling dumb. Now why don’t you go back to bailing Prince Harry out of tabloid hell.
"I think now that slavery is taken care of, I'm for letting the South form its own nation. Really, I think they ought to have their own confederacy."
-Bob Beckel
Really, Bob? Do we have your permission? Well hot damn, we been waitin’ for a hundred years to get that particular green light. We down here in the red states (and up here in Alaska) would be tickled pink to get our own country. And contrary to popular opinion, we happily welcome all races as equals. But elitist Yankee bastards need not apply.
"If all of the red states disappeared tomorrow, would we miss them? The blue states are the economic and cultural centers of the world. They are the states that are important."
-Geraldine Ferraro
Ms. Ferraro is absolutely right. Who contributes to the economy more than Washington, D.C.? Who provides more culture than Los Angeles? We here in Jesusland will gladly forfeit all intellectual, artistic, and monetary rights to the power of the blue states. But we’re taking our Jazz, Blues, and Rock ‘n Roll with us.
Furthermore, please edit your student textbooks by removing any and all historical/cultural figures who may have been associated with a *shudder* red state.
You want to save a forest? That oughtta do it.
''The south part of the country is different. People who don't live there don't understand. They believe there are Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. They are simple people. They are not analytical.''
-Chris Matthews
This should really be included in a separate "Chris Matthews is an asshat" post, but forgive me, I'm incapable of analysis.
"I suppose the good news is that 55 million Americans have evaded the ignorance-inducing machine. But 58 million have not. (Well, almost 58 million—my relatives are not ignorant, they are just greedy and full of classic Republican feelings of superiority.)"
-Jane Smiley
Yeah, Jane. If only your family had watched more Chris Matthews. I think she's mistaking the feeling of "superiority" with the feeling of "nausea" that little Janey's home for Christmas.
From:
About me: “'But I don’t want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked. 'Oh, you can’t help that,' said the Cat. 'We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.' 'How do you know I’m mad?' said Alice. 'You must be,” said the Cat, 'or you wouldn’t have come here.'” -Lewis Carroll