I know I haven't posted in forever, but I've been too bored to type. Come on, Congress, give me something I can work with!

In other hilariously funny to me news, Gwyneth Paltrow has just given birth to a son.

Welcome to earth, Moses Martin! Sorry your mother's such a pretentious b*tch.

Why oh why do I have an image of a poor little blond-haired, blue-eyed boy dressed in haute couture getting pummeled on a British playground while his mates chant "Part THIS, asshole!"