‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the land,Not a creature was celebrating, just as the liberals had planned.
The war had been waged with consummate glee,
And they had finally vanquished the foul bourgeoisie.
They were now out of power, but oh those libs had a vision-
A secular state guised as multiculturalism.
And they knew that in order to accomplish this heist,
First and foremost they must get rid of Christ!
The first line of attack had been at the greeting,
Now no one could say it except at a prayer meeting.
“Down with this imperial “Merry Christmas” phrase!
From now on, be PC- Say “Happy Holidays.”
Next they had set their sights on the tree,
Striking the “Christmas” from it by liberal decree.
“They’re Wishing Trees now, and if you disagree,
You’re prob’ly a hick from red state Tennessee.”
All this they carried out with the help of the press,
Naïve college freshmen and celebrity noblesse.
But there was only so much they could accomplish by squawking.
Too many were not buying all that they were hawking.
It was time to implement the next step in their coup d’etat.
“We must file suit,” they said, “and make it the law.
In our pledge, on our money, we think it’s unjust!
God’s too democratic- in judges we trust!”
"Now Moore! Now, Newdow! Now, Reid and Pelosi!
On, Boxer! On, Franken!, Johns Edwards and Kerry!
To the top of the bench! To the top of The Hill!
Now dash away! Dash away! Go impose our will!"
So they dashed to the courts, and they made it obscene,
To be caught wearing anything made of red or of green,
To have sugar plums or fig pudding on the cuisine,
Or to think of setting up a Nativity scene.
Finally the conservatives were set all agog,
Could this mean the end of elves and eggnog?
No carols? No candy canes? they thought with dismay.Was the only tinsel to be found in L.A.?
No harking the herald, no decking the halls.
No cheesy Christmas concerts or frantic shopping at malls.
No late night visits from St. Nicholas.
No mistletoe under which to stand and be kissed.
Away went the manger, no jingle bell did rock.
Tiny Tim and The Grinch now as distasteful as Halliburton stock.
Gone were frankincense, myrrh, and Joy to the World
Two thousand years of tradition had now been unfurled.
And if from the street they could see stockings,
Then you could be sure that the libs would come knocking.
“If from private celebrating you cannot refrain,
Then by Souter we shall invoke imminent domain!”
So Christmas Eve had come with nary one string of lights,
(Even putting a damper on all eight Hanukkah nights).
The activists were left to ponder the next crusade to embark upon.
Should it be Easter next time? Rosh Hashanah? Ramadan?
When what to their wondering eyes did appear,
Not any size sleigh or a single reindeer.
Not Santa Claus or Frosty the Snowman,
But the lights of church, and the inside was glowing.
People were laughing and holding hands,
Catching up with neighbors and family and friends.
Singing of how their lives were restored,
Proclaiming loudly, “Happy Birthday, dear Lord!”
The liberals were furious. How could this be?
They’d done away with the greeting, done away with the tree.
No halls had been decked- They’d passed resolutions!
How could it not have been the solution?
On his way out of the church they stopped an old man,
Asked desperately what had gone wrong with their plan.
He led them aside and pointed into the sky,
Placed a hand on their shoulder and said kindly “That’s why.”
“You cannot control what you don’t understand.
You can’t wipe away faith with the wave of your hand.
You can take away the trees and the elves and the bells,
The colors, the lights, but none of that tells
“The story of Christmas, and you knew all along,
the trappings and presents aren’t what make us strong.
It’s hope, and it’s love, and it’s prayers we have prayed,
And that’s what has for so long made you afraid.
“Maybe our faith fails analytical review,
But we love God, one another… We even love you.”
He walked away several steps, then turned, eyebrows raised.
“Oh, and one more thing… Happy Holidays.”
Wishing you all a very very very Merry Christmas…